Worlds Apart - a story of love and loss
by heroofmyownstory
Summary: AU. All her life, Ginny has been an outsider, watching as others thrived from the sidelines, desperately wishing to be one of the cool kids. Until one day, she realizes the present moment is all she has and kisses James Potter, inviting upon herself the wrath of a certain Lily Evans and perhaps pushing her long-time crush Sirius Black away for good.
1. Prologue

**Worlds Apart**

Description: AU. Sirius Black, filthy rich Gryffindor heartthrob without a care in the world. Ginny Weasley, dirt poor Gryffindor Chaser whose sole hope is getting noticed by a major Quidditch league to save her from her fate. What happens when these two vastly different worlds collide?

 _Prologue_

 **G** inny has always hated people like Sirius Black.

Young and rich, without a care in the world. Add their good looks to boot, and there you had all the ingredients to a ticking bomb, hell on wheels, a catastrophe waiting to happen. Someone everyone loved because he didn't care. He didn't care about his grades, yet he was always top of his class…

Ginny had to pull all-nighters all the time to be able to do all her homework on time next to Wood's ridiculous Quidditch training regime. Ridiculous, because Wood was as serious as if they were competing in the national championship not in a rubbish inter-house competition… they could have won with half the effort, but Wood had a sadistic tendency to want to not only beat their opponent but wipe the floor with them until it was good enough to eat your dinner off of.

Sirius didn't give much of a damn about sports, or at least, not more than your average Gryffindor airhead. They loved their team, they celebrated their team, they knew who they were rooting for and usually had a crush on someone on the team, but that was about the extent of their expertise. Many of them had zero idea about the rules of the game and only knew to cheer or complain when others did. For most of the Hogwarts students, Quidditch was a backdrop to their lives, while they mostly concentrated on getting the best possible grades when it came to their favorite subjects at least. Not everyone could be Hermione, after all.

Ginny had always wished to be just one of _them._ One of _those people._ Who didn't feel, who couldn't even imagine the agony of not having a choice. To be like Alicia, for example, who had quit the team – much to Wood's dismay, who had often made reference to Alicia's innocent mother after Alicia's unexpected and abrupt announcement – simply because having a boyfriend and studying for NEWTs and having to attend practice left her with no time for herself. Or like Wood, who was about as bright as a lightbulb turned off and who could get away with it because even if his Quidditch career didn't work out, would be saved by his inheritance that could provide a lavish lifestyle for the grandkids of his grandkids, even.

She was just Ginny Weasley, desperate to prove herself after a line of much more successful brothers who all excelled in their chosen field of expertise. Ginny, with no one to fall back on if her Quidditch career didn't start off in a year the latest, if one of the major leagues didn't notice her talent soon enough. In a year, the latest, she would be stripped of being able to do the only thing she loves to exchange her passion for her mild distaste for books and complete and utter loathing of studying. She liked knowing things, yes... but having to sit in one position for hours, rereading the same few lines in order to be able to remember it, that was a completely different matter. Because she knew that the practices were detrimental to her school career, and that Molly – who simply didn't understand her dreams – wouldn't allow her to fail her OWLs, and then later, her NEWTs, on the offchance that maybe she could make it after school despite none of the major leagues wanting her to pay on their team. She also knew she had no one to fall back on in the event of becoming a major fuck-up: her brothers were successful, but they were not filthy rich. They wouldn't be able to support her if she failed at well… everything.

Here she was ridden with guilt, stress, and fear of the future. People liked to say that we were responsible for our own fates but how true was that at 15, when you were controlled by your parents? Because, Ginny realized, that whoever financed you also controlled you, to varying extents, and at least her parents' control wasn't malevolent even if it wasn't always beneficial… they were trying their best, at least.

On the other hand, however, there was this little git named Sirius Black… tall, dark and handsome with more money than he could ever spend in a single lifetime, who spat on the likes of her – figuratively – by always showcasing how much he didn't care. Of course, he could afford not to care… she couldn't.

Their differences were endless. She was short, sturdy, much more muscular than most boys her age thanks to Wood's strenuous training routine, with unruly red hair, way too many freckles, boring brown eyes and possibly no future at all. Why was life so unfair?

* * *

A/N: This was just an introduction to what's to come. Let me know if you like it :)


	2. Chapter One

_Chapter One_

"You're staring again." Hermione said, snapping her out of her reverie.

"What?" Ginny said, her eyes darting between her two friends, Luna Lovegood and Hermione Granger.

Hermione was bookish, who had come to the school with a holier than thou attitude, and during the first year of their schooling, when Snape had called her an "insufferable know-it-all", she had stifled a laugh in her palms. Partially because she didn't want to offend the poor girl everyone badmouthed behind her back, but mostly because of her Gryffindor affiliation, she couldn't afford to show any support for a Slytherin. Later, when she got to know her, she realized she was a sweet but spoilt girl; she had grown up as an only child with parents who didn't socialize, which made her, by no fault of hers, a child who longed for friends but didn't know how to go about making them.

By the time they had met Luna a year later, she was open-minded, and sought to get to know her and not be swayed by the opinions of others.

No one understood why Ginny made friends with them. She was the star Chaser of the Quidditch team: she could have been popular.

Little did they know that Ginny, despite her Quidditch skills, was socially awkward. Luna and Hermione were the only people who didn't make her nervous - how could they? They had been the only one she could relax around.

They were good friends, she knew. But sometimes, the looks other students gave her friends, and the things they said about them - and by extension, her - affected her a little too much, more than she liked to admit to herself and definitely more than she let on. She felt guilty for these thoughts; Luna and Hermione didn't gossip, they cared about improving their lives more than dissecting that of others; they didn't divulge her secrets, but then again, she didn't share much with them or anyone. It was just the kind of person that she was: withdrawn into her little protective shell. And then again, who would they have told her to? Who did they have? They had a multitude of positive attributes, but they had just as many negative characteristics too. But then again, who didn't?

Her social anxiety had improved over the years, largely thanks to Quidditch and Hogwarts, both things she was eternally grateful for. She felt guilty for thinking about "upgrading" - so to say - her friends, but recently, she had found in herself a desperate desire to join the ranks of Gryffindor House's popular kids.

On the one hand, they had a bad reputation. On the other, they were infinitely cool and despite their renommé, everybody wanted to be them: handsome, brilliant, rich. Even Ginny wanted to be them, as much as she hated herself for it. She was short, muscly (too muscly for a girl) with a plethora of freckles all over her body, brown eyes so dark they were almost black, and flaming red hair. She wasn't, she thought, anybody's idea of beautiful. And she longed to be beautiful - to look in the mirror and like - or at least not desperately despise - her reflection.

She knew Quidditch was more important. She knew true friends were more important than popularity. She knew, but she was distracted by the shiny things.

"Hello?! Earth to Ginny?!" Hermione said, waving her pale hands in front of the redhead's face. Hermione and Luna were laughing. Ginny hadn't noticed how immensed she had been in her reverie, and for how long she had been musing.

Blushing slightly, she said, "What?"

Her friends burst out laughing.

"You were staring again," Hermione said with a coy smile, her dark eyes alight with mischief.

"Staring? I wasn't," she insisted, her blush intensifying.

"No, I meant before," Hermione went on relentlessly. Ginny wished she would have just stopped. "Before, you were staring at Black."

Ginny turned to Luna for help, hoping her dark eyes were pleading enough for the usually oblivious Luna to notice. They weren't. Luna just nodded furipusly, her blue eyes dancing with mirth, full lips drawn into an enthousiastic smile.

"Yes, you were," Luna said helpfully.

Ginny would have rolled her eyes irritably, but she was too busy defending herself. "I really wasn't. I was just thinking. I didn't even notice who I was looking at."

"M-hmm," the blone and brunette said, exchanging meaningul glances.

This time, Ginny really rolled her eyes, so hard, in fact, that she thought she even saw the back of her head. The bell rang, signaling the end of breakfast.

"Come on," Ginny said irritably, grabbing her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. Her friends giggled, then followed suit. Her friends, chattering amongst themselves about something she momentarily took no interest in; she was too busy staring at the object of her affection, Sirius Black, desperately hoping no one would notice, especially her friends.

She couldn't help herself. He was just so handsome... much more attractive then her, or anyone she had ever seen. His thick, luscious black hair... his piercing grey eyes that stood out on the canvas of his moon white face... She had never seen his body under his all-concealing robes, but he seemed skinny under it - as much as the baggy clothing allowed her to see -, and she imagined him to be slightly muscular under his clothes. He seemed like the type to care about his apperance (always a plus, she thought, thinking back to her sloppy brothers with a shiver of revulsion running down her spine), so she assumed he would have found a sport to enhance his physical attributes. He might have even practiced Quidditch with James.

She felt hot just thinking about his naked chest, which she thought was wrong and felt guilty for, but it came to her as naturally as breathing.

"Ginny!" Hermione called loudly, half-laughing. Ginny went as red as her hair, her head snapping in the direction of her friend's voice. She ran towards her guffawing friends, embarrassed beyond words. Hermione's yelling had attracted the attention of many a Hogwarts student in the vicinity, always hungry for new gossip, for something interesting to happen. Ginny had only hoped they didn't notice whom she had been staring at. If someone had, the gossip that would follow would be tantamount to character assassination.

Little did she know that someone had noticed - the one she had so long craved to be noticed by - just not in this fashion, and not in these circumstances.

* * *

During class, Ginny found herself unable to pay attention. Thankfully, the object of her affections - as well as her hatred and jealousy - was missing. Fantasies were better anyway, she determined. It was better if he was absent, that way, the reality of the person couldn't interfere with Ginny's dreams and desires.

First of all, if he were here, the complete lack of attention he would give her would perfectly indicate his lack of interest and desire in and for her, which were the pillar stones of any and every fantasy of hers she starred in. She wished with all her might that she crush on another, more suitable, more eligible classmate of hers - someone she wouldn't have mixed feelings about crushing on. Like Andrew Kirke, for example: handsome and a Quidditch Chaser, just like her.

What did she and Black, of all people, have in Common?

And as much fun as she and Kirke had together, there was just no attraction on her part. None whatsoever. She was perhaps even more saddened by that fact than Andrew himself, who had often, however subtly, expressed an interest in her.

Why was Fate so cruel? Why couldn't she like someone who liked her and was right for her? Why was she attracted to someone whom she would never in a million years have a chance with, who didn't even know or care that she existed, with whom they had nothing in common and with whom any partnership would be therefore doomed or at the very least be more trouble than it was worth?

Crushes, she thought, were a bitch.

* * *

After classes, during Quidditch practice, Ginny sat tightly besides Andrew, crammed as they were on the single bench in the room Wood insisted on holding his secret meetings in. It was a classroom near the Quidditch pitch most people were unaware even existed, which made it the perfect spot for the paranoid and overly ambitious Captain, whose main fear in life was as irrational as it was intense: the other teams spying on them to steal their tactics.

Ginny's heart was beating so loudly in her chest that she could barely hear Wood's voice over it. He sounded like an angry Hun, and she was partially relieved that just once her heartbeat, however abnormal it currently was, blocked out his ear-splitting voice.

Ginny, whilst feignin undivided attention for her Quidditch captain, was trying to sneak a surreptitous peak at Andrew. From the corner of her eye, she could see he was looking at Wood, following his every move, soaking his words in like a human sponge. Ginny rolled her eyes away from Andrew back in Wood's direction. Great, she thought sarcastically, had I spent so long pining over a disinterested boy that the one who actually liked me had lost interest?

She could then feel Andrew's dark stare burn into the side of her face, which intensified the redness in her face and further accelerated her heartbeat. But it was too late. She had already decided boys weren't worth her Quidditch career, and that instead of focusing on self-induced drama, she would instead pay attention to the rest of the team meeting. With a twinge of shame, she realized she had no idea what had been said so far. Was she really going to jeoparidze her career over some boy whose name she would probably forget a year after graduation? No. She was no Hermione, but even she was smarter than that.

Fired up by her new resolve, she was able to keep it exactly until the end of the meeting.

"So, thank you for listening, and for bearing with me for so many years." The team tittered with laughter. "I know I've been a tough coach, but it was only because I wanted the best for this team and for Gryffindor house."

The team waited with bated breath. No one was as sad for Wood's departure as they would have liked to pretend. Wood went on:

"So, in my place, I would like to appoint James Potter as the newest Captain of the Quidditch team," he said.

James Potter stood up from the other end of the bench, straightening his Quidditch robes as though stepping on the podium at his inaguration into office. He looked awfully pleased with himself, though not more than he usually did. The gleam of nervousness - surprisingly unbecoming of a face accostumed to constant, cocky grins - made him seem more human, but not more sympathetic. Some people clapped as he cleared his throat, preparing for a speech.

Ginny was confused and whispered as quietly to Andrew as possible, "Why is he leaving?"

Andrew seemed irritable. After he realized Ginny wasn't going to stop staring at him until he replied, he ground out a, "He was offered a job at the Holyhead Harpies."

"No way!" Ginny gasped. How had she missed all that?! And what for? Gah, she was so disappointed in herself.

"Yes way," Andrew said with a little grin. Did he still like her?, she wondered briefly. God, boys were so confusing, she concluded, dissatisfied.

"So, anyway, thank you," James said, waving with his hand dismissively, as though ordering his fans to quiet down. And that they did, but not without a last "Potter for president!" from a certain Ritchie Coote, who was about as pleasant as Potter. No wonder they got along.

Sometimes, Ginny wondered whether her intense dislike for the popular kids didn't stem from the fact that she thought she could never be part of them. The answer was too obvious, and too painful, to really contemplate.

Humbled by the mental reminder of her own (perceived or imagined) inadequacy, she woved to herself to sit through the remainder of the team meeting without making any snide remarks to herself. And especially not agonize over the state of her romantic life - or lack thereof - uselessly.

"I am thankful for Wood for choosing me as the new Captain, and I am honored by your reaction, I really hope we will be able to work together for the next two years. Wood set a great example, what with three Quidditch cups going to Gryffindor since his debut as Captain, so I'll have something to live up to," he said, chuckling awkwarldy, running his fingers through his hair without the usual arrogance that characterized the gesture. The one that Lily Evans was so put over the edge by, Ginny thought with a smirk, as the rest of the team members clapped.

Good Godric, it really had been a speech. Who said things like debut anymore? Ginny wanted to vomit, seeing Wood glow with pride at the critical acclaim he was receiving - a positive critique at last, even if he had to wait three years for it. And now a spot on the Holyhead Harpies? Merlin, what a lucky bastard! She couldn't believe it. Relatively attractive, richer than the Malfoys almost, and now a spot on a national Quidditch team?!

Life seemed to have an obvious preference for some, whilst having no problem leaving others in the gutter.

"Obviously, since Wood's leaving, we'll need a new Keeper. I'll be appointing my friend Sirius - whom all of you probably know - for this position."

An aghast silence followed, broken only by a completely tactless, loudly groaning Ginny. The words slipped out before she even realized her mouth was moving. "What next, Pettigrew as Beater?"

The team burst out laughing, Andrew even gave her a friendly nudge and his eyes sparkled so proudly and brilliantly at her as though the joke that had made everybody laugh was his own. Ginny found herself blushing at his attentions, and embarrassed, because she hadn't meant to make that comment, no matter how successful it had been in the end.

"No," Potter said, laughing awkwardly, scratching the back of his head nervously. God, Ginny realized, he really was feeling nervous, it wasn't just a faux act to elicit sympathy by seeming humble. "Even though that's a good idea," he said, joining in on the joke. If everbody was already laughing at him, hey, he would only be embarrassed further by taking it too hard.

"Where's Sirius now, anyway?" Andrew said, as though encouraged by Ginny's outburst. Tradition was that whenever a new team member was announced, they were present to introduce themselves and pledge themsleves to the team. It was something that Wood had come up with, and as much as the redhead hated to admit it, it really increased one's team spirit and forged the team together.

"He's - he's in the Hospital Wing," James said. "Something went wrong with his Potion, and Slughorn had made him taste it." He said, clearly struggling to hold back guffaws. Some of the team tittered. "Anyway, he'll be here tomorrow. So, Wood and I talked before this meeting, and we came to an agreement: to let you get over the shock and disappointment of his departure, we'll be cancelling today's practice. Most of you should be studying for your NEWTs or OWLs anyway."

The team seemed disappointed.

"But tonight," James said, his eyes alive with enthousiasm, "we party! Invite all your friends, we're giving this man the best farewell party anyone's ever had in the history of farewell parties!" He sounded like a TV presenter.

The team erupted in cheers.

Andrew and Ginny exchanged glances. They barely knew each other, but they could tell that the other was thinking the same thing as they were: This was the beginning of a highly interesting year.

Neither of them knew what to expect.

* * *

A/N: Hope you like this chapter, and thanks for the tremendous support for the previous chapter! You guys are the greatest! Consider this my Xmas present to you!:) I hope you guys'll enjoy. Happy Holidays! Xx


	3. Chapter Two

_Chapter Two_

 **A** fter the Quidditch meeting, Potter invited everyone to a pint of beer in his dormitory, as though to placate everyone's feelings with some booze for his unusual announcement.

Ginny didn't want to put herself out there, but remembering the several rounds of extreme Quidditch try outs she had to go through to get on the team, Sirius Black getting simply _accepted_ by virtue of being the new Captain's friend just seemed infinitely unfair and unjustified. The members of the Quidditch team of the House of the Brave were awfully quiet regarding this issue, even though Ginny could hear them whisper among themselves, barely audibly, as they started trudging towards the dormitories. Finally, unable to wait anymore for anyone else to step forward, she rushed to the front and tapped Wood, walking besides James and laughing about something inconsequential, on the shoulder.

"Hey, Wood, mind if I ask something?"

Wood and Potter turned back to look at her, her ferocious scowl betraying how she felt before she could even voice her concerns. The ex and current Quidditch Captains exchanged glances, as though both perplexed and irritated by her presence.

"What is it, Weasley?" Wood asked at last.

"How is it that I – and everyone else who got on the team during _your_ time as Captain – had to go through innumerable try outs before they finally got accepted, and Sirius Black just gets to be Keeper because…?" She didn't finish the sentence on purpose, prompting both boys to give an explanation. She honestly couldn't fathom in what universe getting in via one's connections was fair – this wasn't the Slytherin team, after all! This isn't what this should have been about at all.

Wood and Potter exchanged glances again, and Ginny couldn't fathom how but they apparently were equally similar in some way to be able to communicate non-verbally in such a fashion. They both suddenly stopped in their tracks and ushered Ginny aside; Ginny was so surprised, she suddenly didn't know how to react and let herself be taken aside from the two boys.

"You guys just go up!" Potter said. "Weasley just has some questions; we'll see you later."

"Yeah," Wood – who still had more authority than his friend – agreed. "Go. Just go." No one dared disobey Wood. He was a Gryffindor among Gryffindors. Ginny and Andrew's eyes met, and Ginny shrugged, an expression of confusion etched on her face, in answer to Andrew's inquisitorial glance. Andrew pulled a face, but went after the others and struck up conversation with the other team members.

"The booze is stashed away in our dorm! Just ask Sirius; he'll know where it is!" Potter yelled after them, and the group erupted in raucous laughter and loud hurrah's. "Aye, Aye, Captain!" someone yelled, before they were gone.

Finally out of earshot, Wood and Potter immediately turned back to Ginny, making the latter feel cornered and endangered. The look in their eyes was anything but friendly. Ginny's heart skipped a beat, but then righteous anger washed over her; she wasn't in the wrong. She shouldn't have to feel negatively about anything. She wasn't crossing any reasonable lines or boundaries asking why these two entitled brats wanted to throw out centuries long Gryffindor traditions out the window. Her heart swelled with pride, and courage washed over her entire body like a wave. She was no longer scared or intimidated.

"So," she said, "I asked you a question."

"Yes," Potter said, his hazel eyes emotionless behind black-rimmed, circular glasses, "Yes, you did."

Potter still looked like he thought he could intimidate her into silence with his withering stare. Ginny, for the most part, thought he looked ridiculous, trying to be tougher than he truly was. "So," she said. "I'm waiting for an answer."

"Look, Ginny, why don't we sit down –" Wood began, placing a hand on her shoulders to take her aside in what was probably meant to be a friendly and reassuring gesture, but, revolted, Ginny had the strength of mind to shrug it off.

"That's fine," Ginny said. "I can talk standing, if you don't mind."

Ginny thought this was getting really boring, and folded her arms across her chest, her eyes defiant. The two Captains looked at each other again, and finally, Potter turned away irritably and Wood sighing, ready to give in.

"Look, Ginny," he began again, and he sounded most insincere, "Sirius is hands down the best Keeper any team could ever want. Trust me."

"Well, I don't," Ginny said frankly. "Everyone else on this team had to try out at least three times to get in. One of the try outs was in the rain, and you said that whoever was too much of a weakling to go through a try out during bad weather wasn't ready to be part of the team. And now Black just gets in because he's your buddy? How is that fair?"

"That's not –"

"I don't want to lose the Cup this year because your buddy begged you to be on the Team and you just couldn't say no," Ginny said coolly, turning to Potter with narrowed eyes. "The first time we lose to Slytherin – or hell, Huffelpuff –, people are going to start looking to you, Potter. And guess who they're going to blame if we start consistently losing matches? The Captain who chose his buddy to be on the team instead of holding try outs like everyone else did." Ginny said, eyes now narrowed to slits, standing just a few inches away from Potter and poking him in the chest mockingly. The negative energy between them was nearly palpable.

Strangely, though, the other thing Ginny felt emanating from him was respect. It was as though no one had stood up to him like this before, and even if he didn't necessarily appreciate the reproach he was getting, he admired the strength and guts to stand up to someone who wasn't only more popular than you but outranked you as well.

"True, James," Wood said. "They are going to look to you."

Ginny was suddenly aghast for two reasons. Did this truly not occur to these dolts before? Or even the third dolt, who Ginny thought must be desperately trying to get on the team? The second reason was that Wood was actually agreeing with someone on something.

"You know as well as I, Wood, that try outs are unnecessary," Potter insisted. "You've seen him play. No one could ever match that."

"I agree with you," Wood said. "But there's _always_ an offchance that during tryouts we might stumble upon a gem like Weasley here. No one knew she could play Quidditch before she came to my tryouts in third year. _No one_."

"It was in the cards, given her family's history with Quidditch," Potter objected. "Just 'cause her mother didn't know she knew how to play –"

"At least don't embarrass our house by not holding try outs," Ginny interjected snappishly. "Do you really want to become like the Slytherins? Whose parents have to _buy_ their way in? Regardless of how talented you may think Sirius is – and I am not objecting he's good, because I've never seen him play – people are going to think he got in because he's your friend."

"Look, I hate to admit, but Ginny's right –"

"Jesus Christ, Wood. Sirius just got disowned by his family this summer. I don't care what people are going to think. It's been his dream since he was a kid to be on a Quidditch team. His parents just didn't let him because they thought the sport was _undignified._ He deserves to be on the team."

"I'm afraid that's a bit of an overly dramatic and emotional response –"

Potter snorted, but Ginny interjected again, "Well, I had to try out for the team, and it's been my dream since I could hold a broom to be a professional Quidditch player, and I had to try out three times till I got in. Twice of them in the rain. Are you just afraid Sirius would lose to others if you really put him to the test?"

Potter was growing increasingly annoyed. "No! That's exactly why I chose him."

"So?" Ginny asked. Wood's gaze was inquisitorial as well. It seemed like he was no longer on Potter's side, Ginny thought, repressing a triumphant smirk. But her eyes shone with victory.

"Fine!" Potter gave in at last. "Fine! You'll get your bloody tryouts. But I'm telling you, it's a waste of time." Without another word – overly emotional was the word Ginny would have used for this reaction if anyone had asked her –, James turned on the soles of his shoes and strutted back to the castle like a spoiled brat, unaccustomed to not getting his way.

Ginny and Wood watched him strut in a stunned silence until Wood finally burst out laughing. "Merlin's beard, that guy…" he said, shaking his head, not without a tone of affection in his voice.

"Well," Ginny said, laughing awkwardly, "That was weird."

Wood's grin widened. "Well, that's James for you. He's… quite the force of nature, if you know what I mean. But he listens to reason, he just hates being openly wrong. He's not a bad sort, you will see."

They began walking towards the castle, and angry, strutting Potter ahead of them, providing a source of unceasing entertainment during their stroll.

"Can I ask something?" Ginny said after moments of what felt like uncomfortable silence to her.

"Oh, another question?" Wood said, but not unkindly.

"Well, yes," Ginny said, embarrassed, her heart starting to beat faster, "Why… why did you allow James to do this? To handpick someone for the team without holding tryouts? Even if just for show."

Wood burst out laughing. "I didn't," Wood said. "James was too blinded by emotion. He was adamant. He said Sirius was the best Keeper he had seen in years, that his talent is unparalleled, yada yada yada… you know, the usual diatribe. I'm sure he believes it's true, and he just doesn't care for conventions, you know? Quite the rebel, that one."

"Well, yes, but –"

"Look," Wood said. "I told him my opinion, he rejected my advice. What else could I do? I tried to badger him, persuade him… whatever. I still thought he was a better fit for Captain that anyone else. Ritchie's all talk, Andrew couldn't keep a pair of first years under control, and the others just don't care about the team as much as I did," he said.

"What about me, though?" Ginny asked finally. "Why couldn't you have chosen me?"

"You're a great Quidditch player," Wood said. "But you don't interact with the others. I didn't think you would be able to command them, or that they'd listen to you. For all your talent, you're very shy. You should hang out with Potter and his ilk more. Then, the team would respect you."

Ginny fell silent.

"Look," Wood said, his eyes amiable, like an older brother looking at his little sister, "I think you're insanely talented, Ginny. But you're not team leader material. And I'm telling this to you not to hurt you but because you asked me and I didn't want to lie to you. You're my favorite on the team, Ginny, if that makes you feel better."

"Sure I am." Ginny said, scowling.

"No, Weasley, you are," Wood said, laughing. Ginny looked up at him, glaring, and suddenly she felt like she was talking to Fred or George. "Trust me. If anyone has a chance of getting into one of the Leagues, it's you. But you need to put yourself out there. You're afraid of attention, Ginny; I don't know why, honestly. You're funny and witty and cute all in one. You've got the whole package. But you seem so unapproachable. You hang out with the likes of Luna Lovegood and Hermione Granger, for Merlin's sake!"

"Hey, watch it! They're my friends, you know."

"I know," Wood said, rolling his eyes, a hint of mirth in his deep voice. "People just don't get you, Ginny. People think you're trying to be all high and mighty by not talking to them. And I know you want to. Everyone saw the way you were looking at Black today in the Great Hall."

Ginny suddenly went as red as her hair. "Was not," she insisted.

"Was too," Wood said. "Look, Ginny. I've been training you for two years and you honestly feel like you're my child or something; I feel like I have a responsibility towards you because I've known you since you were 13, and because I'm so much older. Hogwarts only comes around once. And everybody wants to be at the center of attention – even shy people like you, Ginny, deep down. Don't even try to protest this! You're going to regret it if you don't do the things you secretly want while you still can. Write that owl to the boy you like. Go to the parties you're invited. Talk to the people you want to; don't feel like you owe your friends anything because the only reason people don't tease them relentlessly anymore is because your place in the social hierarchy of Hogwarts."

"I also thought it because Hermione was a prefect and could take points away from those who tried." Ginny said jokingly, decidedly not addressing all the wildly offensive points Wood had made.

Wood laughed. "Well, yes, that too, I reckon," he conceded at last. "Look – don't get me wrong. Hermione and Luna are surely awesome friends, otherwise you wouldn't have chosen them, I'm sure. All I'm saying is that if they stop being your friends because you've suddenly gotten more popular, they weren't true friends to begin with."

Ginny didn't know what to say to that. She supposed it was true. But the mere possibility of her two best friends betraying her still made her angry. She decided not to say anything. Wood just wanted to help a fellow, lost teammate before his final departure; he was well-meaning, even if not necessarily as insightful as he thought himself to be. Ginny didn't want to ruin this rare moment of companionship between the two of them, and didn't want their last memory together to be arguing. Ginny just smiled at him.

If we're already talking so openly, Ginny thought, and decided to ask, "Can I ask you one last thing?"

Wood just chuckled again, increasing Ginny's embarrassment.

"Ask away," Wood said. "You don't even have to ask for permission."

"No, nevermind," Ginny said at last, blushing furiously. She couldn't possibly ask him if he really thought she was cute. But he was the one who had brought it up… "No, wait. Why did you say I was cute? Do you just pity me, or something?"

"What!?" Wood said. "No! Look. How do I say this!? You're not my type. You're also way too young for me. I like my women older, sorry. But, I know a lot of guys like you. We share a locker room after Quidditch and all, and I overhear a lot of things," he said. "So, just 'cause you're not my type, doesn't mean you're not pretty, OK? A lot of other people think so."

"What? Who said I was pretty? Tell me, Wood!"

"I can give you some hints," he said with a wide grin on his face that mirrored Fred and George's.

"Well, then,"

"So, he's on our team,"

"Come on,"

"He's also a male,"

"Shocker,"

"What, you never know these days –"

"Shut up, and just tell me who it is."

"I can't," Wood insisted.

"Sure you can," Ginny objected.

"Catch me and I'll tell!"

Wood began running, and Ginny after him, and it was the first genuine moment of kinship she had felt with anyone outside of her usual trio. Truly life could be incredible when you moved out of your comfort zone.

* * *

A/N: Originally planned on making this chapter longer, but it was already so long that I cut it in half. The next chapter will focus on the party in James & co's dormitory and the Quidditch tryouts. This was just a moment of kinship between a master (so to say) and his favorite student. Wood really doesn't like her, by the way, if that wasn't anyone. He's sincere in saying that she's not his type and that he thinks he's too young for her (even if he put it differently, in a more well-mannered way.) Wood, now that he wasn't Captain, could finally allow himself to be kinder (he had to be strict to be respected as Captain.)

So, any suggestions for the story? Leave your comments in a review below.


	4. Chapter Three

_"Hot stuff baby this evening!"_

Donna Summer's hit song was blaring at maximum volume in Potter and Black's dorm. Their two other, less annoying and consequently lesser known friends were huddled together in the corner, with Remus Lupin reading a book, pretending the rest of the world didn't exist, and Peter Pettigrew staring wistfully at the fun he could never be part of.

Ginny looked at them with wistfulness to match Pettigrew's. 'They aren't even socially active, but everybody knows their name.' To have her name known – that appealed to her on a basic, primal level, and she suddenly wondered how long she could have ignored the call of her own blood.

Her gifts were given to her for a reason. She was born to use them. To fulfill her hearts' desires. She bit her lip. Wood's praise had gotten to her head like the most potent brand of Firewhiskey.

Her Quidditch mates barely even talked to her; they smiled at her politely, nodded curtly in her direction, but none of them made any effort to talk to her. Was it any surprise, though, given how she had shied away from talking to them out of fear of rejection? They must have taken it as her shunning them, she now realized.

Only Andrew showed any willingness to talk to her. She was growing weary of him with every word he uttered, but she bit tongue and feigned interest. Andrew was so preoccupied with being enchanting and flirtatious that he failed to notice her lack of response.

'Perhaps I should be grateful for even this much attention,' Ginny thought, but then she shooed the thought away, able to realize – thanks to Wood's words – that they were rooted in a lack of self-confidence and self-love. This is not what she wanted. Why should she continue to bite her tongue and endure when it was not Andrew's love he wanted? She shouldn't settle for less – especially not so early on in life.

She began to stare at Black, mesmerized. The beautiful lines of his face were painted on a canvas of moon white. His grey eyes were like a storm – she would have loved nothing more than to be swallowed up by the hurricane that he was, even if he ravaged and ruined her like storms did cities. What better way was there to go than 'destroyed by love'? It was not every day that a woman got to choose the way she went.

Struck by a sudden inspiration, as though by one of Zeus's thunder bolts, she began to make her way toward him, parting the throng of onlookers as Moses had the Red Sea. She could feel the disapproving glances of those she had pushed aside sting her in the back of the neck, the side of the face. She pushed on, relentless. Suddenly, Sirius looked at her, the spark in his eyes giving life to his crypt-white face.

Ginny went as red as the blood pumping in her veins, in her heart, pushing her to do what she would never have dared to do, had Wood not made her realize that she was wasting her life away, a prisoner of fear. This move – the first move she would make to dramatically improve her life – was particularly, perhaps recklessly bold, but so it had to be, to compensate for years of cowardice.

But she never did it. Heroes, perhaps, aren't created overnight, but a man can go from being less and less of a fearful child every day.

Black's wolfish grin, the desire in his eyes, the confidence exuding him from that indicated to her that her kiss would just be another to him in a line of many, shook her resolve. She felt a probe of irritation at the prospect. Her lack of self-esteem would have commanded her to be a doormat others walked over, just for a little semblance of love, but now she knew better than to accept such a fate. Just as Black's confidence was reaching levels never before observed in a human being, Ginny turned away from him, and planted a big, fat kiss on Potter's lips.

She expected him to push her away, reprimand her for taking what she wanted without asking for permission, but just as she was preparing to break away, Potter pulled her back, putting his arms around her waist, deepening the kiss, much to her own chagrin – unsure what else to do, having initiated the embarrassingly public display of attraction, she played along, without much zeal. She had initiated the kiss, she realized, only because she didn't want to present herself on a silver platter to a man and give him the satisfaction of not having to lift a finger for what he would undoubtedly brag about later… to punish him for that blood-boiling arrogance that came off of him like a putrid scent, revolting her into seeking carnal fulfilment in the arms of another.

After having kissed, Potter didn't seem to want to put an end to their liaison. He raised his glass of beer and yelled, "Let the party start!" With a flick of his wand, he raised the volume on the radio and switched to a wilder song Ginny didn't recognize. Cool kids had such a particular music taste and she could never quite keep up.

" _Rock you like a hurricane!_ "

Embarrassed, her brazenness having left her as though it were just a spirit that had possessed her, she wanted to vacate the scene as fast as possible. Just as she was about to go, James grabbed her by the wrist and said, "Why would you leave when the fun's only just begun?"

"Whatever," Ginny snapped, shaking her hand free of his grip. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed about what she had done. This wasn't like her, and while she did want to change, she wasn't sure this is the way she wanted to go. On her way out, her eyes met Wood's, who grinned at her and gave her the thumbs-up. She gave him the thumbs-up as well, grinning madly, but she couldn't wait to leave. To get back to her old friends, as annoying as they could be. To her comfort zone. Where nothing new happened, where nothing made her heart beat so frantically, where everything was calm and normal. Nothing dangerous happened in her comfort zone. Nothing ever surprised her. Nothing ever put her ill at ease.

'Yes,' she thought, panting, feeling like a coward. 'I want my comfort zone.'

"That was a wild move, huh," Andrew said the following morning over breakfast. He had sat beside her without asking. Hermione and Luna looked on interestedly as they stuffed their faces with their full English breakfasts. "What you did to Potter. I would have been scared to do that to a girl. Imagine her pushing you away and calling you a creep."

"Luckily, Potter's a horndog," he went on.

"No, no," Ginny insisted. "It was wrong. It is wrong."

"Come on," Andrew said. "It was just a party. No one minded. Now you're the talk of the town. Aren't you glad?"

Ginny's eyes widened to twice their size and they looked like they might drop out of their sockets in shock. Hermione and Luna failed to contain their mirth and tittered behind their dainty palms. Andrew grinned at them, at which Hermione turned red and averted her eyes to marvel at the enchanted ceiling, as though seeing it for the first time. Luna could barely contain her guffaws at this point. For a second, Ginny wondered what had gotten into her to befriend such idiots.

As Andrew droned on, Ginny's eyes travelled to the Ravenclaw table, where Potter was sitting beside Black, who too busy chatting up a pretty Ravenclaw girl to pay attention to the friend he had presumably dragged along to not seem like a thirsty creep. Potter's eyes met her own, and he made a kissy face towards her. Normally, she would have refrained from doing anything out of fear of embarrassment or causing someone to dislike her, but she got so angry – she wasn't quite sure why – that she flipped him off. Potter seemed dumbstruck for a second before bursting into a raucous laughter that made even Black turn towards him.

Ginny's eyes widened. Oh, no. She was the center of attention. Once again. She blushed so furiously that her cheeks took on the color of her crimson mane, fading into it; from far apart, one wouldn't have been able to tell where her cheeks ended and her messy crown of hair began.

"That's OK!" Potter yelled across half the room. "Relationships have their ups and lows! I know you love me! And you couldn't live without me!"

 _Jesus Christ, no. Why did I have to snog the greatest attention hog of all of Hogwarts? Even Sirius would have been better. At least, he hooked up with so many people that by the morrow, I would have been forgotten… and not the talk of the entire school._

The bitter taste in her mouth made her realize that she would not, in any version of reality, preferred that alternative. To be another notch on some asshole's belt.

"Aren't you going to reply?" Andrew said a bit forcefully. "Everyone's staring at you."

 _Isn't this what you wanted, Ginny?_

"But it's hard," she whined.

It was hard to live up to the ideal she had created for herself to follow – it was hard to be a tough girl when she was a mere softie.

Her lack of response seemed to embarrass Potter. Furious, he waved his hand in her general direction, as if to display just how little importance her lack of response held to him, but one could see the truth on his face.

"Oh my God, Ginny! Do you think he likes you?" Hermione whispered with a bit of hysteric excitement in her voice.


	5. Chapter Four

_Chapter Four_

 **T** he response to Hermione's question came after lunch, wherein Potter approached Ginny in the corridors. Ginny had just left the library, a particularly heavy pile of books in her freckled arms, that was so large it nearly impeded her from walking. Seeing her struggle, Potter, seemingly out of nowhere, appeared and like a white knight, rushed to her aid.

"Let me help, Weasley," he said, taking the entire pile without waiting for permission.

Ginny heaved a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank God for you, Potter! I was about to die," The strength of her fatigue, once again, impeded her from over-analyzing every word she uttered before she did so. She blushed slightly once more, her eyes sparkling with apprehension – would he hate her now?

Potter merely grinned in response.

"No problem," he said. "Such a pretty girl and no one helping her when she's clearly about to drop dead. Pity what the world has come to," he said in such an overexaggerated voice that she couldn't help but burst out laughing; he sounded like an anchorman. There was a sparkle in Potter's eyes as he acknowledged the effect he had on her.

"Really, thank you," she said, "But I wasn't about to _drop dead._ "

"Sure you were," Potter said, eyes darkening with mischief, grin reaching his ears, "It's only a known fact that female Quidditch players aren't as physically adept as male ones. It's just biology,"

Ginny scoffed, then arched an eyebrow and said, "You know what, I'll let that slide, since you're carrying my books. After all, everyone is entitled to their _wrong_ opinion,"

"Ha," Potter said. "It's so easy to get a rise out of you. I didn't even mean it."

"Why did you say it, then?" Ginny felt obtuse.

"Just to get a rise out of you," Potter said with a grin. "Don't you know that's how I operate?"

"Maybe that's why Evans doesn't like you," she said flippantly. _Oh, shit!_ She thought, when she realized what she had said. Fearful of his reaction, Ginny turned slowly towards him to verify he wasn't about to drop the books on her feet in retaliation.

"Oh, Evans is old news," Potter said, "It's you I'm into now."

Ginny's ears started whistling. The rest of the world ceased to exist. Could this be real? Was he joking? Was this but another elaborate farce? She felt petrified.

"Why?" she asked finally, eyes as wide as a Russian doll's.

Potter shrugged. "How not to like a girl who rushes up to kiss you without a word? That was hot. You should have seen Sirius's face. He thought you were going to kiss him. He looked so excited. Oh, well," he said, grinning, shrugging, "I guess the Potter charm's just unbeatable."

It's been beaten by Lily Evans's lack of feelings for you consistently for the past year, she thought, but refrained from voicing the obvious. In the meantime, they had reached the Fat Lady's portrait (what a flattering way to call it, by the way!)

"I see," Ginny said, "Well, thank you for helping me with my books. I can take 'em from here, if you've got somewhere to go,"

"Oh, no," Potter said. "I never leave a task unfinished. I'll take them all the way to the Common Room, then I'll let you go. Wouldn't wanna be a bother,"

"Oh, no! Of course you're not. You were really nice to help me."

Potter grinned as if he knew, and said, "Arbre blanc," to the Fat Lady, who nodded and moved aside to reveal the Portrait Hole.

"After you," he said.

Ginny had the distinct impression he would have insisted to help her climb into the portrait hole had his hands not been full of her books. All eyes turned to stare at them as they entered. Ginny tried to ignore their brazen staring as the two of them walked up to the nearest empty table and he put her books down. He wiped his forehead with the back of his robe and Ginny said, "So what were you saying again about male Quidditch players being stronger than female ones?"

Potter looked scandalized for a minute, then burst out laughing good-naturedly. "Well," he said, "Touché," and all of a sudden, he grabbed her hands and suddenly their faces were mere inches apart and the atmosphere became uncomfortably hot.

"You are quick at repartee," he said on a voice as soft as velvet, his gentle breath caressing her face, "I like that."

Ginny wanted to say no. She felt like a cornered beast. She didn't feel like she had any control about what was happening, but didn't want to embarrass him in front of the entire Gryffindor house by rejecting his kiss, even though she felt no desire to let him… or… did she feel any desire for him?

Her heartbeat accelerated, and the heat between them became comfortable, soothing. She closed her eyes and he put his arms around her waist and she dug his hair into his jet-black hair, and he gave her the gift of the longest, most passionate kiss she had ever experienced. It felt as though the sun suddenly began to shine straight on them, their warm rays penetrating straight to her soul, reheating a part that had forever lain dormant and cold during the winter that had presided within her heart. All the icy fear of rejection melted away to give way to pure, unadulterated enjoyment. She suddenly couldn't recall an instance when she had felt happier. Her eyes sparkled like two gemstones when they broke apart.

Potter blushed slightly, his dark eyes sparkling with mischief. He looked like he was on the verge of saying something before a loud voice yelled, "A girl with a boy? And they're not even siblings? EW!" At which the entire Gryffindor house burst out laughing.

Ginny felt slightly embarrassed, and suddenly resented Black for ruining the magic of the moment. Black just grinned at her testily, as though her liaison with Potter was a personal affront of some kind to him. Ginny rolled her eyes away, back to Potter, who said,

"Sorry about that," Then he stood from one leg to the other. "See you later?"

"See you later,"

Ginny could see Lily Evans huffing and puffing in a circle of her closest girl friends near the fireplace and Potter strut as though he had won the Quidditch World Cup. Ginny swallowed hard. Could he be faking his attraction to her? She swallowed hard and her stomach did several nausea-inducing somersaults. The thought was particularly unsavory as she realized she was just beginning to fall for James Potter, whether he was merely using her or not. She shook her head, as though trying to shake both the uncomfortable possibilities and the unfortunate feelings away, and her back hunched slightly, she vacated the scene of the crime.

* * *

A/N: This is kind of a short one. Let me know what you think in a comment below! And thank you for your previous reviews, they are love.


	6. Chapter Five

_Chapter Five_

"What happened?" Hermione gushed, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling with excitement. Her voice was barely above a zealous whisper. It made Ginny feel ill at ease, for she just realized how unexcited she was by the whole affair. "He carried your books for you! That is _major._ Andrew just told me that is major. He went to retrieve something from the boys' dorm, but –"

Ginny narrowed her eyes. Had she upset him? It was just a crush, wasn't it? Why should he be upset? She watched Sirius parade around with a new girl daily and didn't hold it against him, didn't feel upset by it, because she thought that if he didn't want her the problem must have been with her and not him. Apparently, that was not the way Andrew thought, much to his own detriment.

"Whatever," Ginny sighed. "He was only doing it to make Evans jealous. He can go fuck himself," But her eyes told another story.

Hermione leaned forward, grabbing her hand. "How would he have known she would be here?"

"She's always here," she snorted in response. "Like a pest. Like a spider in the corner you can't just smush and – "

Hermione's eyes widened and she blinked hard twice. Luna, on the other hand, smiled knowingly.

"You haven't fallen for him, have you?" she asked with a supercilious arching of her nearly entirely white eyebrows.

Ginny snorted like an angry horse, sending a stray hair hanging down her forehead flying up in the air. "As if!"

"Your lead time's quite rapid, isn't it?" Hermione asked with a mischievous tingle in her dark eyes. "Yesterday, it was Black, and now it is Potter! Well, no one can accuse you of not having taste."

"Except anyone with a decent taste in men," Ginny said, not meeting their eyes, her throat suddenly hoarse. "I picked the greatest idiots of the entire school. What is wrong with me?"

"No, honey," Luna said on the supposedly knowing but more like condescending tone that was beginning to greatly irritate Ginny, "You fell for the two hottest men of the school. It only means you are a fully fledged adolescent whose hormones are at work… and no one works as hard as your hormones, not even the Devil himself,"

Ginny and Hermione both gave her quizzical looks. "Let me tell you a secret," Luna said in a stage whisper, leaning forward as though to don an air of confidence, "All men are bound to mistreat you. Especially the ones who claim to be nice. Pro tip: if you were nice, you wouldn't need to shout it from rooftops."

"What are you talking about?" Ginny asked irritably. "Please, just stop,"

"No, trust me," Luna said. "All men are bound to mistreat you. That's what my Dad said. So, get as much as you can out of what is inevitably going to be a waste of time: go for the hot one."

"Luna, have you had too much to drink?" Ginny asked, aghast. "Where do you get all this crap from? _Cosmo_? Did Xenophilius become a feminist?"

"What's wrong with feminists?" Hermione demanded.

"Nothing, it's just Luna has never –"

"And the Pharasees did not heed Jesus's words…" Luna said, cutting them short, returning to her journal, _The Quibbler._ Ginny turned to Hermione, brows furrowed and a mixture of irritated and confused, and Hermione just shrugged. "Best to let it go," she mouthed and Ginny nodded, smiling, more at ease suddenly.

She waited a few moments, she did not know what for, but realized that Hermione was too grossly immersed in her homework to notice that she needed something to distract herself with from her current dilemma, and the same went for Luna in regards to her reading. Shaking her head slightly, Ginny took out her own homework with the intention of commencing her potion essay, but before she could get to it, thoughts of a certain raven-haired Quidditch player invaded her mind and penetrated every facet of it before she could even think to resist. Oh, how much she wished she could kiss those lips again instead of focusing on her criminally dull homework! But then again, what wouldn't she do other than her homework?

No… the correct way to express what she was feeling would be to say… that were she given the choice, she would not prefer to do anything more than to kiss James Potter again.

Even if few days ago, she barely acknowledged his existence, like a driver the presence of an insect on a windshield. Like a blur on the side of a photograph. Visible, in plain sight, but inconsequential. But now she was all she could think about and Sirius Black, yesterday's crush, was old news, relegated to the cobwebbed corners of her mind, the forgotten pages of her personal history.

"Messing around can cause that, you know," Lily Evans told her later on that day during Potions when she noticed Ginny stare at the back of Potter's head. Going red and blinking furiously, Ginny straightened up and asked in her most composed voice, "What are you talking about?"

Lily smiled with the indulgence of a schoolteacher. "Kissing, and that kind of stuff," she said, averting her gaze, blushing slightly herself. "It makes you think you're into that person… but you're really just into the physical feeling he gives you. Or feeling wanted. Desired. I don't know how to express it best. But the thing is, that's not love… because if you were in love, you would think about more than just his body pressed against yours and –"

"I am not thinking about his body pressed against mine!" Ginny said, grimacing. "That is just… I am so far away from even thinking that…"

"Well, you know," Lily said. "I don't want to impinge upon your relationship."

"Im-what?"

"Like, ruin it. I don't even know if you're dating. So, I don't mean to meddle. But he broke my heart. And he's probably going to break yours. Men like that never change," Lily said, looking like she was on the verge of tears.

Torn between female solidarity and desire for a boy, Ginny decided to comfort the fellow redhead.

"We kissed twice," Ginny said, apologetically, for some reason. "It's really nothing."

Lily began to weep softly, face buried behind slender, white hands.

"What is going on back there?" Slughorn asked sternly, an eyebrow raised. "Miss Evans, Miss Weasley?"

"The onions," Ginny said, improvising, when it became clear that Lily was in no state to reply.

"Alright," Slughorn said dubiously. "Carry on, class, there's nothing to see here."

The Hogwarts rumor mill at once began spinning, trying to guess the reason for Lily's breakdown. 'I heard she broke up with Potter,' someone whispered. 'No, they never went out,' another said. 'Yes,' a third one interjected, 'That is why she is so heartbroken.'

"That is not what happened," Lily whispered pointedly, glowering at the girls sitting in front of her who immediately locked their lips and turned their backs to her. Lily simply shook her head in exasperation as the girls giggled amongst themselves.

"What a bunch of lifeless losers," she snapped.

Until her involvement with Potter, Ginny had always imagined popularity to be akin to stardom. But recently, she had begun to realize that what seemed so glamorous and glossy from the outside – people being curious about your life and constantly discussing it – was more of a downside than a positive. Ever since she had crawled out of her shell, exposing herself to the world, she wished she could simply return to its darkness that healed and hid her from the rest of the world. But her shell had been cracked open by those who walked all over her private life, their curiosity like heavy stones thrown at her previous home until it collapsed.

 _Well, Ginny,_ she thought. _Now you got what you wanted._

She cast a sideways glance at Lily and wondered whether the same Fate would befall her at Potter's hands. She suppressed a sigh before asking,

"What happened? If you don't mind telling me,"

Lily kept on glowering at the students in the vicinity who unabashedly displayed their curiosity with their large, bulging eyes and slightly agape mouths.

"Later," she said. "After class."

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews, you guys are awesome! Let me know if you liked this chapter. Do you have any idea what could have gone down between Lily and James? :)


	7. Chapter Six

_Chapter Six_

.

.

.

 **A** fter class, Lily and Ginny excused themselves to their friends and went for a walk in the grounds. Lily showed Ginny her 'secret place', a Hobbit-like hole in a small hill where she said she often came when she craved some time alone.

"Here, no one can overhear us," she said by way of explanation before they huddled into the rather large hole.

To Ginny's relief, it was completely dry inside, and some stems were beginning to sprout in the cracks on its walls. Noticing the other redhead's fascination, Lily said, her own eyes lighting up,

"They're beautiful, aren't they? They remind me that beautiful things can grow even in such tragic circumstances," she said, referring to their hideout.

Ginny forced a laugh. Anything remotely intellectual made her feel mild distaste, but Lily seemed so nice. Truth be told, despite Lily's seemingly genuine kindness, Ginny felt like an entrapped bird. _Why would your current guy's ex-girlfriend want you any good?_

But she wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt; life wasn't the manifestation of one stereotype after the other, not always, at least.

Besides, she wanted to be better than the self-hating girls who considered their own gender incapable of anything but cattiness towards the others. She wasn't like that, so why should another necessarily be? Though it was hard to argue that stereotypes, in general, were all completely baseless… or at least, people said they weren't.

"So," Ginny said, breaking the peaceful silence between them.

In the meantime, the rain had started sprinkling, enveloping the forest with an ethereal blanket. Even for someone who grew up surrounded by magic, she was often dumbstruck by the enormity and beauty of nature.

She hated to tear her eyes and attention away from it, but she lived in the world of humans and peace was not a common event – she suspected war to be lurking beneath amical pretenses, and wanted to know the sooner the better to be able to adequately prepare for it.

It was best not to lull one's self into a false sense of security, spoil our human minds with more peace than their world could ever handle – no matter how much they all secretly craved truce. "What were you going to say to me? About Potter?"

"You call him Potter?" Lily asked with a grin, the previous tranquility vanishing as Ginny brought war back into their midst.

Lily noticed Ginny's taut shoulders and pressed together lips with a wry smirk. Ginny didn't know whether this was a response to her war-like stance or if she had simply lured out what had lurked in the unfilled spaces between them.

"That's funny. He made me call him Potter so no one would know about our relationship. _Best not to tickle the sleeping dragon, that's our school motto, yeah?_ " she asked, imitating his intonation with exaggeration but cruel accuracy. Lily turned back to her with flames of anger dancing in her eyes. "Turns out, he was the one who didn't want to be seen as taken. He didn't want to commit, to put it simply. He flirted with other girls, behind my back, of course. When I caught him doing it once, he told me it was simply to maintain pretenses. I dumped him and within a day he was kissing you at a party."

"What?"

"I know you're not into him," Lily said. "You like his best friend, Sirius, right?"

"I…"

"Everyone saw you going for him. My friends told me the entire story. People were talking about for ages afterwards. Everyone thinks you're a huge horndog –"

Ginny blushed. Forced to think about it, she concluded that she secretly was. Starved for physical intimacy as she was, she suddenly didn't think kisses were enough. She had explored that aspect of attraction, and she wanted to move on to bigger and better things, so to say. She was _curious._ That was all. Where was the harm in that?

"I can help you with Sirius," Lily said. "You're not normally the type of girl that's on his radar."

"Thank you," Ginny said drily, raising an eyebrow.

"That's not what I meant! Sirius is just a shallow little dog, that's it. And when I say dog, I mean dog," Lily said, sighing, with an air of superiority.

Ginny wanted to ask what she meant, but decided the other girl was simply acting knowledgeable to save face for having been dumped so unceremoniously. There's no way anyone would risk dropping someone in such a humiliating way if they truly were aware of one of the group's secrets. There is simply no way…

"But… I can help you with him." Lily said after pausing for effect.

"You're not even part of the friend group anymore," Ginny said, brown eyes darkening.

"I was for a long enough time to know everything about them," Lily said, tears welling in her eyes, looking pointedly at the nature outside, the rain now pouring, splattering with a harsh noise against the trees and plants outside. Ginny swallowed hard, frissons running down her spine. "Sirius is a good time guy. Don't expect more from him. He wants girls to be perfect in every way while all he brings to the table is a bear of dirty Converse shoes. He's not going to fall for you, but I can tell you all you need to know about him to make him fall in love with you, if you pretend to be his dream girl."

"Why would I – are you kidding me?"

"I am honest with you," Lily said.

"Honestly," Ginny said. "You need to get over the fact that Potter broke up with you. You dated for a hot moment and now it's over. I know it's sad. But what you are doing right now – this whole revenge plot – makes you seem sad and bitter. You are a pretty girl. You will find others."

She didn't know why she was being so hostile - perhaps it was because she got the distinct impression that she was being used and that Lily was dishonest.

Lily's face took on the color of her hair as her chest began to heave with repressed anger. Ginny swallowed hard, but outwardly all she did was raise an eyebrow superciliously.

"What?" she asked cockily, grinning in the face of imminent danger.

"Suit yourself," Lily snapped. "But just so you know, he's only after you to punish me for hooking up with Remus."

"Hooking up – ?"

"I slept with him," Lily said venomously, her face now a blotchy purple color, "I lost my virginity to him. The only reason Potter's clinging onto you is because he needs a rebound otherwise he would fall apart. He begged me to take him back a week after our breakup, and I said yes and slept with Remus. To punish him."

" _What_?"

"Remus is the one," Lily snapped, averting her eyes and smoothing down her skirt with all the primness and propriety of a Victorian lady. "I always wanted him more, but now he doesn't want me now because he thinks I was just taking revenge on James. Which I was. But love and revenge aren't mutually exclusive."

"So wouldn't it benefit you more if I remained with James?"

"No," Lily said. "Because you actually make him happy."

"Why are you being so honest with me?"

"I'm a terrible liar," Lily replied, and they both chuckled despite themselves. "And I see no reason to lie."

"I could tell the whole school all your dirty laundry," she said, but the mere concept made Ginny nauseous as soon as she uttered the words.

Lily smiled in response. "I know you wouldn't do it. I can see it in your eyes. It's written all over your face. Genuine people recognize genuine people,"

"I'd argue with that," Ginny said morosely.

Lily laughed. "So? Do you want Sirius or James? Make up your mind."

"I'm staying with Potter," Ginny said. "This whole revenge business is too shady for me. Find someone else."

Lily's smile immediately morphed into an ugly scowl. "Suit yourself," she said, forcing a haughty smile, "Find me when you realize what he is like."

Lily prepared to get up, but Ginny pulled her back to the ground of the cave formation, James's triumphant expression and proud strut as he acknowledged Lily's jealous glare when he kissed her swimming before her eyes, choking her. "Well, you didn't exactly sell Black to me."

"I was honest with you," Lily said. "I told you what I think about him. He's a narcissist."

Ginny shook her head. "Then I'd still prefer Potter. Not to mention, you couldn't even keep Potter so I have a hard time imagining you'd truly let me know how to hold down a guy like Sirius Black."

"You know what," Lily said, eyes flashing, "I think you only like James because Sirius is out of your league – or so you think. He thinks you're hot. He told me. He told the whole Quidditch team. The only reason you don't know is because you don't talk to anyone. You really underestimate the importance of social capital."

"Of what?"

"Having friends. Connections."

"I have friends," Ginny insisted feebly.

"Sure you do," Lily said apologetically. "Is that the part we're going to focus on though – for real?"

"No, I mean – you're just lying to make me do your bidding,"

Lily smiled, seeing she had gotten through to Ginny. The fish had caught the bait, or so Ginny felt. "Think whatever you want. And yeah, I couldn't keep James – he just came running back to me after he dumped me. He thought he could live without me, but he couldn't." Ginny's face remained impassive in face of this new take on things.

"But how does this benefit you?"

"If James is keeping Remus from me, telling him I'm a nasty bitch and stuff, that I'm only using him," she said. "It's the least I can do to return the favor."

Ginny pulled a face. "I'll think on it."

Triumphant, Lily said, "You do that. In the meantime, I'll drop in a good word for you with Sirius."

"They all hate you, Evans."

Lily rolled her eyes. "They don't have to like me to talk to me. Besides, if you don't believe me… dress up sexy for a week. Sirius will be _all_ over you. He only likes girls who dress a certain way. I can help you pick out clothes."

"I'll think on it," Ginny snapped, impatient for Lily to depart and finally give her time to think.

"Alright," Lily said, visibly uplifted. She held out her hand to Ginny to help her to her feet. "There's a party at the Ravenclaw house tonight. Sirius and James are both going to be there. You can choose."

Ginny didn't trust Lily. She was afraid of betrayal. And sure it was better to be cautious than be sorry for your loss. But fear had kept her from living from so long, she decided to throw caution to the wind presently.

She had always wanted this life – parties, boys, perhaps even scheming, so be it. She wanted things to happen in her life, even if they weren't all positive; the comfortable and comforting was overrated.

She wanted adventure, darkness, danger, she wanted to see the ugly side of life because she was tired of being a sheltered witch. She couldn't afford to step over the threshold of her dreams and then back for fear. She needed to take a leap of faith and shut the door to the past behind her on her way to a better future.

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A/N: Voila, the latest chapter. I have written several chapters in advance, so you can expect quick updates. I'm literally only posting stories for the reviews, so if all my followers could review, it'd make my life. Thanks in advance!


	8. Chapter Seven

_Chapter Six_

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" **I** 'm just not sure this is a good idea," Hermione said, her face creased with worry. Ginny found her irritatingly like her mother. Even her tone was so condescending!

"What? Going out? Partying?" Ginny said. "It's what we're supposed to do at this age. It's what's normal."

"Normal is relative," Luna said. "Don't be a sheeple."

"Oh my God, Luna, take off your tinfoil hat," Ginny said with an eyeroll.

"No, she's right," Hermione said, casting a wistful glance at the pile of books on her bedstand, as though they were waiting just for her, and she for them. "Just because everybody else is doing this, doesn't mean we have to. Normal is relative. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly –"

"Oh, my God," Ginny said, rolling her eyes again. She was beginning to tire of her friends' antics. She was young – they were all young – and she wanted to live and here Lily presented them with a silver platter and they were too chicken or blind to see it and seize the opportunity. For the first time in her life, Ginny thought there was a reason people considered them losers, perhaps.

"Fine," Hermione said after a moment's hesitation, exchanging glances with her two best friends and finally bursting into a smile. "Let's go! We should all, always move out of our comfort zone – that's where life really begins,"

Ginny repressed another eyeroll; she found it exhausting that Hermione always quoted people she didn't know, making her inadvertently feel inadequate and dumb. "Yay!" was all she said, letting exuberance wash over her.

Ginny could barely contain herself as they were waiting for Lily and the others in the Common Room, a bottle of Firewhiskey Luna had procured from God knows where in her hands. She was shaking with nervous excitement. She was "pumped." She had never felt so excited about anything other than Quidditch matches in her life.

"Calm down, Ginny, it's just a party," Hermione said and Luna nodded to express her agreement.

You calm down, Ginny wanted to say. This is not just a party, this is the beginning of a new kind of life, if I play my cards right tonight.

But she knew they wouldn't understand and decided to simply let it go. They were different.

Finally, Lily and her posse arrived. Her friends introduced herself as Alice and Marlene; Luna had simply replied, "Oh, I know. Everybody knows you guys," making both Ginny and Hermione wish the Earth would swallow them, judging by the pained looks they exchanged. Marlene and Alice tittered with a thinly veiled air of superiority. They did not seem to comprehend why Lily was intent on befriending such a like band of baboons.

"I'm Ginny," Ginny said quickly, smiling as though the most embarrassing exchange had not just gone down in history.

"I'm Hermione," Hermione chimed in, an air of seriousness around her like an impenetrable aura.

"Wow, that's an expensive bottle of champagne you got there," Ginny said, noticing the gift in Lily's hands that the redhead was cradling like a baby.

"Yes," Lily said, casting a loving look at it, "It's Moet. I have a taste for champagne."

"Watch out," Alice said with a mischievous look on her face, "She's going to present it as a gift and then half an hour later you're going to find her chugging it in the corner,"

"Hey, I always share," Lily said, reprimanding, but she was smiling as well, "You're welcome to drink from it as well," she said, looking pointedly at Ginny and then, just for politeness's sake, offering a smile to Hermione and Luna. The latter two immediately understood the message, and their own expressions considerably soured. Ginny feared they were beginning to regret agreeing to attending the party.

"Wow, you guys look great!" Ravenclaw Sandy Barclay cooed after letting them in.

"Thank God you came," Marlene said, "We were beginning to think we were never getting past this stupid statue."

"It's a sphinx, Marlene," Alice said, making Ginny and Lily giggle. Hermione and Luna, Ginny could see from the corner of her eye, were making faces and imitating them behind their backs. God, she hoped they wouldn't ruin it for her, and at the same time, she felt bad for inviting them to come along – but she had simply wanted to give them what she too had craved all this time, wrongfully assuming their dreams were identical.

"Come on in, guys," Barclay said, smiling, helping them through the hole to the Common Room one by one. Inside, the party was in full swing, musing blaring at the top of the volume the Muggle radio could provide, with a group of students sitting around it, engaged in a heated debate about who picked the next song. Ginny barely had time to notice, a mixed group of boys and girls had already approached them, and Marlene whined, "Jack Coulby is over there, Lily! I need to go!"

"Fine, just go," Lily snapped, and Alice and Marlene sped off. She turned to Ginny and her two friends, who had been idly, stupidly standing, waiting for a cue or a sign of God knows what – they weren't regulars at parties and had no idea what to do. "What we do with the girl is we mingle for an hour and then all of us meet here in an hour," she said, sipping from the cup someone had handed to her in the meantime. She looked up at the clock, "See you guys here at twelve, then. I'll go tell Marlene and Alice," she said. "Don't be late, we're going to get super anxious and bust the party if you do! I've done this before, just ask the girls here," she said.

"Yes, she has," a Hufflepuff guy laughed.

"Alright," Ginny said. "Let's move, girls,"

Hermione and Luna exchanged glances; Ginny was beginning to tire of their seemingly ceaseless and pointless hostility. "So, what should we do?" she asked them considerately.

"Well, you heard the Queen," Hermione said derisively, "Let's go and mingle. I bet they sleep with guys, too. Sluts."

"What is wrong with you, Hermione?" Ginny said. "Aren't you supposed to be some sort of feminist?"

Hermione folded her arms and pulled a face, like a petulant child. I see, so you're the type of girl who's only a feminist when anti-discrimination applies to her, Ginny thought, giving Hermione a mean look.

"It's OK," Luna said. "One day, Hermione will understand that internalized misogyny is a disease,"

"Luna!" Hermione said, cuffing Luna's arm, while Ginny and Luna turned to each other, giggling wildly.

"Hey, James is there!" Ginny suddenly exclaimed, spotting Potter and Black with their two best friends, standing in the corner. She waved to them, excited, a little blush creeping into her freckled cheeks.

"Since when are you two on first name basis?" Luna asked.

"We aren't," Ginny rectified quickly, turning even redder. "Oh my God, he's coming over here. What should I do?" She was beginning to fan herself, and Hermione looked at her pityingly while Luna could barely retain her smile.

"Just be yourself," Luna said, putting a hand on Ginny's shoulder, "Everything else is a mistake."

Ginny swallowed hard, nodding, a wave of gratitude washing over her. She turned to Hermione, who looked contrite for her attitude, plastered a smile on her face and said, "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do, OK?"

"I can't promise that," Ginny said.

"That's what I was afraid of," Hermione said, and the three of them burst out laughing.

"Alright, here he is, off we go!" Luna announced when Potter was within earshot.

"Hey – what – I – girls!"

Potter just giggled when he arrived, his brown eyes a balm for her soul. It was like she had been waiting her whole life for a moment like this. To her surprise and slight embarrassment – given the audience –, Potter leaned in to kiss her again.

"Hello, beautiful," he whispered in her ear, sending frissons down her spine.

While a part of Ginny was soaring, she couldn't help but recall her brothers Fred's words: It's normal for guys to be blithering idiots when trying to chat up the girl they like. They're nervous and stuff. What is suspicious is a guy who speaks like all of his lines are straight from a Nicholas Sparks novel. That means he's not nervous. Right, George?

But she wanted to find out for herself. If she protected herself from everything, she wouldn't live. A fear of failure and heartbreak had kept her safe but lonely and bored for so long. Now was the time to live, now was the time to die, she thought, referring to the highs and lows of life, and plunged headfirst into the adventure that was James Potter.

"Hello, Weasley," Black said. "We've heard a lot about you recently."

If Ginny wasn't mistaken, there was a flirtatious edge to his voice, something like desiring in his eyes, but that couldn't be… So she tore her eyes away before she set herself up for further disappointment. Hadn't she wasted enough days wishing to be his? Well now, it was too late. She had found someone else. He could suffer.

"You're practically all we've heard about these days," Lupin added, making all of them laugh.

"What a bunch of assholes you are," Potter said, grinning but blushing slightly. "Come on, Gin, let's get a drink. You don't mind if I call you Gin, right?"

"No," Ginny said, not knowing what else she could have said, even though it seemed strangely intimate to be giving each other nicknames so early in their… relationship? Could she call it one? Were they even dating?

"Oh, so we're at that stage already!" Black said, walking behind them, whistling. "Well, well. Didn't know Prongs was such a Casanova,"

"Prongs? I didn't know you were at that stage already," Ginny said.

"Huh? Oh!" Black said after the joke dawned on him. "You were kidding. I see. Gin," he added and he and Ginny exchanged a grin. The world stopped for a second, God himself painted a coat of pink over everything, and angels began to sing in the background… then Ginny tore her eyes away from his before others noticed what was going on between the two of them.

"See, I told you she was funny," Potter said, apparently oblivious.

Funny? I'm not funny, Ginny thought. What the hell has this guy been saying about me behind my back?

Perhaps he thinks I'm funny, she said, because he's got a crush on me and has been blinded by it. I don't get it…

"Hey, let's drink from this!" Black exclaimed when they arrived to the batch of presents the invitees had brought. "It's Moet!"

"Oh, no, that's Lily's, it's –" Ginny said, trying to pry it from Black's fingers, who withdrew his hand, raising the bottle so high it was out of his reach.

"So?" Black said. "She brought it as a present for the invitees. We are the invitees,"

"No, I'm sure she wants to take a sip from it later on, I mean it's so expensive –"

"Then," Potter said, "All she has to do is come over and talk to us."

He's using me, Ginny thought. I'm sure of it.

Then she turned to Black, who was smiling at her. The entire world stopped once again; only the two of them existed as she got lost in his onyx orbs…

"Look, there she is!" Potter exclaimed. "The nasty little, friend-fucking –"

"Hey! Watch it!" Ginny said.

Potter pulled a face but didn't press on – not to her, anyway. "Hey, Evans!"

"What?" Lily yelled from the other side of the room.

"We're drinking your champagne, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"Drink it!" Lily yelled. "At least I don't have to steal other people's expensive gifts because I can afford –"

But Potter was no longer listening. He had popped the champagne bottle open and began to pour it into his mouth. "Suck on that, Evans!" he yelled, to which Lily raised her middle finger and the people in her corner began to boo.

"You can drink from it, Ginny, I don't mind you!" Lily yelled when their eyes met, and she saw what an uncomfortable position the other redhead was in. Ginny gave her a thumbs up and smiled gratefully.

"Pff," Potter snorted. "What a little –"

"Come on, Potter," Ginny said. "This just makes you seem sad and bitter."

"She's right," Black said. "Move on already. Besides, you're with this grade A hottie over here, so I wouldn't be complaining if I were you,"

Ginny blushed, giggling, and shot him a grateful smile. Even after she turned away, she could feel his penetrative stare burn into the side of her face, her delicate, white skin… Potter, scowling at an oblivious Black, said, "Right. Let's get drinking," he said and got plastic cups for everyone and poured a generous amount of Moet into both.

Ginny wondered why the rest of the Fantastic Four hadn't come, only to realize that Pettigrew and Lupin had stayed behind to talk to girls… well, Pettigrew was talking. Lupin had his tongue down someone else's throat. She cast a furtive glance at Lily, who thankfully, was too busy talking and flirting to notice.

Huh. That meant she could have fun, she thought with relief.

"Let this party be fucking awesome," Potter said, and it sounded more like an exhausted man's last, desperate prayer than anything else. They clinked their plastic cups and downed their portion of Moet as though it were the nectar of the gods. Which, Ginny thought, it was.

"Have you seen Ginny?"

"Who?" an irritable Ravenclaw asked.

An hour later, Hermione was busy trying to find her friends. She had asked everyone willing to give her ten seconds about their whereabouts, but she could find neither of her friends. The only place she hadn't looked yet was the Ravenclaw boys' dormitories… but no… Ginny couldn't be up there. Could she?

Oblivious to the passing of time, well over an hour later, Ginny was lying on a bed in one of the Ravenclaw dormitories, Potter on top of her, Black by her side, holding her hand while she kissed Potter, who seemed utterly oblivious to the two lovers' exchange.

The forbidden made her heart beat again, her soul coming out of its stupor for the first time in her life. She could get caught, her world could go up in smoke at any moment, and that was precisely the appeal of the menage a trois she was currently engaged in.

Her heart had never beat so fast before, so furiously, she had never felt so full of life, so connected to the world, chained to it by the call of the flesh – a golden prison. Darkness was her living force.

If all sins were so exciting, she never wanted to return to the light.

Alarm bells began to ring in her head, You are young and therefore foolish, but another kiss by Potter drowned out the voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother's, or Hermione's for that matter.

Hermione had warned her where this might lead, but she was sick of Hermione's grandmotherly advice, she wanted to live and not be a loser like she was… like Hermione and Luna were. She was now one of the Lily Evanses of the world, entwined between James Potter and Sirius Black, both of them vying for her affections… She had always been, she had just been conditioned by her family to think being loud and assertive was wrong. Now it was her time to shine. Ginny, that's mean… a voice in her head said that sounded like her own voice in normal circumstances. But tonight was anything but normal, and another Ginny, an evil twin, perhaps, seemed to be taking over the body they both shared.

Potter lied down on the bed, pulling Ginny on top of her, and for the first time, she felt a boy's excitement. Before she could savor the moment – the alcohol preventing her from comprehending the gravity of the situation, making her giggle wildly as Potter laughed raucously –, Black couldn't constrain himself anymore and, like a dog on its hind legs, attempted to kiss Ginny, who, heart beating so hard she couldn't hear her own thoughts above the sound of her blood, she closed her eyes and let herself be carried by the moment…

Sirius kissed her, and it was like a world exploded within her, sparks began to fly, and fireworks were set off… whatever she had had with Potter up to that point paled in comparison, a schoolgirl crush compared to real, carnal attraction. She got off of him and began to kiss Sirius, both of them kneeling on the bed…

"Hey," Potter said, getting up. His glasses were askew, his face was flushed with alcohol, and there was a haze of drugs in his eyes, like all of theirs. "I'm here too," he seemed like a lost little puppy, and Ginny felt so sorry for him she began to giggle.

Somehow all of this was funny. Everything was funny. As she began to kiss Black – Potter kissing her neck and trying gently and unsuccessfully to what he doubtlessly considered Black's clutches –, she felt like the boys were tearing her apart, and one of them needed to go… but she couldn't decide which. And until she figured it out, only both would do. Both felt right when it was just one of them kissing her. The rush of two boys wanting her at the same time was exhilarating, and she wasn't ready to give it up for potentially the wrong choice.

"Hey, leave her alone!" Potter said.

"What do you care, anyway?" Black responded, both of them ignoring her wishes.

It made her feel angry for a moment, but she was fading in and out of consciousness, lucidity washing over her like a wave, only for it to retreat back into the ocean, leaving her wet and shuddering and confused.

The words, too, swam in front of her eyes but didn't register in her mind.

She suddenly felt nauseous, like all the drugs and alcohol were about to catch up with her.

The world began to swim, and the rest of the boys' argument didn't register at all. Their raised, passionate voices only served to further amplify her sickness. Suddenly, she scrambled free from between them and, drawing the curtains of the four-poster bed, she began to throw up. The severely intoxicated boys, sitting in the corner of the room, began to laugh. "That was a nice one!" one of them yelled, pointing to the circle of vomit next to which he was sitting. Ginny only felt even sicker.

"Alright, party's over!" Hermione yelled, suddenly appearing in her line of vision.

Ginny mumbled her name lamely, glad to see a familiar face, it seemed on the verge of passing out.

"Ginny, are you OK?" Potter asked, brushing her hair out of her face. Smiling, eyes as red as her hair, she lamely nodded yes.

"I love you," Potter mumbled in a drunken haze, and the declaration was so shocking it nearly sobered Ginny up. Seeing Ginny's face, Potter seemed to wish to retract the words. "I mean – I just mean – I – I think you're hot – it was just the drugs, I –"

"Get away from my friend!" Hermione said with authority, and knowing what a powerful witch she was, James recoiled.

"Wait, I know a spell to clean this up!" Black declared, raising his wand, before collapsing unceremoniously and rolling down onto the floor, half of his stained with Ginny's vomit. Ginny's urge to vomit once more only intensified.

"Ew!" Hermione yelled before waving her wand and cleaning up the mess from the floor as from Black's face. "This is revolting, Ginny! We have to go, at once."

"B-but… I don't want to…"

"You were about to lose your virginity to two guys at once," Hermione hissed, eyes with fear and compassion for her friend.

"Ooh, nice one!" the Ravenclaw boy yelled, showing a thumbs up.

"No, it is not!" Hermione snapped. "Ginny, we have to go."

"Were you, though?" Black asked, eyes still bloodshot, pointedly talking to Ginny. "I thought we were just kissing… cool…" he laughed.

"Look at the depths you have stooped to," Hermione hissed, her breath stinking of alcohol, though she seemed more lucid than all of them combined. "Is this really the kind of guys you want to associate with? Look at him, your supposed boyfriend, he doesn't care about you, he was ready to share you with his friend!"

Potter's face changed immediately. "No, no," he said, wagging his finger in the air, gravely offended. "I wasn't. I don't even – is this even real?"

Hermione grimaced in distaste. "Come on, Ginny, we're going,"

"But I suppose I might as well," Potter went on. "The last one fucked one of my friends while we were dating, so maybe this is the only way to avoid being cheated on…"

"GINNY!"

"No! We were just having fun! Come on! Join us!" Ginny began to drag Hermione by the arm towards the bed.

"Yes, you can join Padfoot over there. At least, he'll leave Gin alone then,"

"Why do you call him that?" Ginny said, not letting go of Hermione's arm who had to wriggle free from her grip.

"Gin? And no," she said firmly, "I am not kissing Padfoot. He was lying in Ginny's vomit just a moment ago, thank you, no, I have standards."

"Suit yourself," Potter said, as though Hermione was missing out on the experience of a lifetime. Ginny grimaced in distaste. Suddenly, she seemed to have sobered up somewhat, and the whole situation made her skin crawl. What have I done? She asked herself, feeling a new wave of disgust well up in her, this time, at herself. She glanced at James, who grinned at her as though he fancied himself some grand seducer, but all Ginny felt was another wave of vomit rising up her throat… Hermione and Potter both held her hair back as she vomited this time before Hermione swatted his hand away.

"She's my friend, I will deal with this," she insisted.

"Yeah? She's my girlfriend – " he sounded surprised at himself for speaking the words, but he recovered from it quickly. "Yeah. She's my girlfriend. You OK with that, Ginny, right?"

"No," Ginny wanted to say, but before the words could leave her mouth, she vomited again.

"I'm going to take her back to our dorm," Hermione said calmly to Potter this time. "You should do the same with Black. He seems to have passed out."

Black mumbled something in protest, eyes closed, barely able to speak, but it only served to drive Hermione's point home.

"Yeah, you're right," Potter conceded. "But I should… Ginny's a girl… maybe I should help her, and you could take care of Sirius?"

Hermione looked scandalized. "No. We each take our friends' home. That's our duty, as friends. You can talk to Ginny tomorrow, relax. She won't disapparate from Hogwarts."

Potter seemed unconvinced, which, despite everything, warmed Ginny's heart. All she could concentrate on was not throwing up again, and therefore she wasn't able to enunciate her feelings. "OK," Potter said. "But I'm just a few dorms away if she needs anything, alright?"

"OK," Hermione snapped. "Just go, just go!"

When the two of them vacated the dorm, and Ginny was left alone with Hermione, the former addressed a brave smile to the latter, who simply sighed and shook her head, saying, with disappointment shining in her eyes, "Ginny, Ginny. What have you done to yourself? Is this who you really are, or just who you are trying to be?"

Before she could respond, her world went black.


	9. Chapter Eight

_Chapter Seven_

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" **W** hat happened last night?"

Ginny awoke to an ear-splitting headache; it was like a marching band playing to a frenzied audience inside her head. She felt like she was about to die – no, scratch that, she preferred to die than to go through another minute of this physical torture. Her body felt as though every limb of hers had been coated with iron. The people speaking beside her registered only as a noise from another dimension momentarily breaking into her psyche. She could even taste colors for a second. Yellow tasted like paint.

"Drug poisoning," Madame Pomfrey said in a haughty voice.

Yet another attack against the mental wall her brain had set up against intruding noises. She felt like she was on a spaceship, floating through space. The voices, the smells and lights around her were slowly making her come back to Earth, however. She had no choice in the matter. In any case, it was a welcome change from the vertigo she felt on the imaginary spaceship.

"All five of them?" a voice Ginny recognized to be Hermione's queried.

"Yes, all five of them," Madame Pomfrey replied. "Never in my ten years of working at this school have I seen such a thing!"

Ginny glanced at Hermione's unconvinced expression, which reflected her own doubts as to the veracity to this claim. This is what all teachers said, all the time, and yet not once had it ever been true.

"Look, she's awake!" Lily cried suddenly. Ginny had only just noticed she was there. Groggily still, she sat up, scratching her unceasingly pounding head. It was hard to remain conscious, but she didn't want to fall back into the darkness of her unconscious.

"Ginny!" Hermione cried, hugging the girl to herself. Unaccustomed to such displays of affection on her friend's part, Ginny's only reaction was an expression of pure shock, which made the brunette draw away quickly, clearing her throat loudly in embarrassment.

"No, no," Ginny said. "I was just surprised."

"Yeah, sure," Hermione said offhandishly, wanting to move on from the maladroit hug. When Lily moved in to hug her, Ginny had come to her senses, more or less, and was able to react to displays of affection without shock. Not that it didn't feel peculiar to her, but she was determined on making friends and to do that one had to move past one's comfort zone.

"Where's Luna?" Ginny asked suddenly, fearing the worst.

"She's out cold with the rest of the dream team," Lily said with a grin, beckoning towards them. "Potter, Black, Lupin, Lovegood and Michael Jones. He is a Ravenclaw. He threw the party."

"What happened?"

"Apparently, someone put something in your drinks," Hermione explained. Ginny noticed that meanwhile, Pomfrey had disappeared without a word to tend to the others. Currently, she was concocting some potion in the far end of the room. "She says it is drug poisoning. A Muggle drug."

"Insists she has never seen anything like this before," Lily whispered with a grin. Her good mood was contagious, despite the situation, and Ginny laughed. Hermione fidgeted jealously in her seat. "We all know that's a lie. At least I do. The boys have brought substances like this in before. Well, Lupin has."

"Lupin? I thought you said he was a good guy,"

"He is," Lily said, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, "Those other two are a bad influence."

"So what – they drugged me?" Ginny said, heat rising within her. "Because we only smoked shit, we got it from some Hufflepuff named Toole, by the way; we didn't -"

"Oh my God, Ginny, you smoked!?" Hermione shrieked.

Lily shot her a dirty look, as though she were uncool and out of the loop for expressing such an opinion, before diverting her attention to Ginny,

"No," Pause. "At least, I don't think so. After a party last year gone way, way awry, Dumbledore has been monitoring them annoyingly closely. They haven't been able to sneak in anything for a full year now. I doubt they did. They insist they didn't, anyway."

Ginny still felt livid. "I think they did," she said. "How else would drugs have gotten into my system? I never consented to that."

"Ginny, wait –"

Ginny, however, sprang to her feet and began to march over to Potter's sickbed.

"Look, Ginny, they might be jackasses but they're not criminals, I _swear_ to you – besides, if you accepted smoking shit, I doubt they would have had any reason to just drug you..."

But it was like talking to a wall. Ginny had made up her mind, and all her scruples out the window, she poured the jug of water on Potter's deathbed on the latter's head.

"Hey, hey, hey! Miss Weasley, what do you think you're doing?" Madame Pofrey demanded, rushing over to the scene.

"He drugged me," Ginny yelled, on the verge of tears. "This guy _drugged_ me and I trusted him and –"

 _Oh my God, he was ready to share me with his best friend yesterday. He does not value me. He doesn't care about me enough to even treat me like a human being_. Tears welled in her eyes at the realization.

"Ginny, don't –"

"Ginny!" Potter cried, his face lighting up upon seeing her; the cold shower of sorts had woken him up, again. "What – what happened last night?" His smile faltered as jagged, incomplete memories began to flood his mind. "Did you just pour water on me?"

"You – you drugged me!"

"What?" said Black, who was slowly stirring. "We didn't bring drugs to the school – Dumbledore busted the stash we tried to sneak in last month via owl –"

His eyes were closed, and he didn't seem fully present, as though he hadn't fully recovered from the effects of the drug. Without another word, his features softened, and his body was overpowered by the need to sleep.

"Is this true?!" Ginny demanded aggressively.

"I don't know what you're on about – we didn't take any drugs, we only drank from the stupid champagne Lily bought –" Potter insisted, seeming shocked at the emotional upheavel Ginny displayed.

"Yes, I was going to drink them myself, mind you," Lily said, still bitter.

Then as though rain had just started pouring from the sky above her, Lily's entire face expression changed. She muttered something under her breath that nobody else caught.

"Oh my God!" she cried. "It wasn't you, was it?"

"What?" Ginny snapped. "Honestly, Lily, stop protecting them, these guys are full of shit and –"

"No," Lily snapped. "You don't get it. I always bring a gift to parties that I intend on drinking myself. I'm into really expensive champagne," she said.

"Yeah, that's true," Potter confirmed, a nod to the time they spent together as a couple, no doubt.

"Shut up," Ginny snapped. Potter raised his arms defensively, clearly not comprehending the situation. He looked around for help, but all the others seemed to be out cold.

"And if it wasn't you, then it was Snape," Lily said, face darkening, eyes shooting lightning bolts at whoever came too close. "He's the only one I ever told about this tendency."

"I'm sure other people might have noticed over the years, Evans –" Potter said.

"No," Lily said cuttingly, "It was him."

Without another word or further ado, Lily sprang to her feet and began to march out of the Hospital Wing. Hermione began to rush after her, but stopped short, realizing they did not have the level of connection to warrant her interference in Lily's personal life.

"If I find out it was you," Ginny said threateningly, looking at Potter whose face contorted with offense. "Lily!" she yelled after the other redhead and began to rush after her.

Hermione stood on her tiptoes then foot her put down again, wondering what to do. She didn't want to make Luna feel alone and decided to wait until her other friend woke up, hoping she might find out more about the mysterious events of last night if she stayed and listened in on the conversations of the boys. She suspected them, too, despite what Lily insisted.

"It wasn't!" Potter yelled after Ginny, earning only a suspicious glare from Hermione.

"What?" the bespectacled boy demanded, turning to her. "Do you think I'd knock myself out like this if I had rationed the drugs? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"The dosage was dangerously high," Madame Pomfrey confirmed compassionately.

"Again, I repeat, we are not idiots," Potter said, beckoning to Black and Lupin lying on either side of him. "I don't give a fuck what you believe, but I wouldn't try to kill myself."

The unspoken truth lingered in the air. _He wouldn't try to kill himself_ , _but Snape might._

"Lily, what you are doing is completely stupid!" Ginny yelled, rushing after her friend. Lily marched on, saying, "You don't know Snape the way I do, alright?"

"It could have been anyone at that party who knew about your little gift-giving tendency," Ginny, a nervous wreck at this moment, said, breaking into girlish giggles.

She would have never imagined Lily Evans to be the type to bring something under the party under the guise of a gift for herself solely! Lily had such a stellar reputation, it was hard to imagine her as anything but the Little Miss Perfect others purported she was. But then again, that just went to show the worth of how other people thought about us…

"Besides, the boys might have drugged me, we should be focusing on them, not on this guy you haven't talked to in ages – I mean, he's a normal person, he's probably moved on already, too."

Lily stopped short in her tracks, but Ginny knew at once it was not because she had managed to get through to her. Lily's face turned entirely red, her green eyes turning intense with focused fury, and snapped,

"You have been part of our world, thanks to me, for a hot moment, and you think you know these people better than I do? I have grown up with these people, and the boys would never do this, not to you, not to anyone,"

"You sound like a blinded Ted Bundy fan at this point," Ginny snapped. "You know he was hot, too, right? And a bunch of people believed in his innocence because he was good-looking, so he wouldn't need to resort to this kind of crime, right?"

"Oh my God, that doesn't mean every hot guy is secretly a Ted Bundy!" Lily snapped. "Who told you that, anyway, that Loony girl? She's such a feminist,"

"What is wrong with feminism, anyway?" Ginny snapped, coming to Luna's defense. She briefly wondered, however, who she had shared her newfound religion with in the past days.

"Nothing!" Lily snapped. "How did we get talking about this, anyway?"

"I don't know… I mentioned Ted Bundy, and then…"

"All this is stupid," Lily said. "We shouldn't be arguing. _We_ did nothing wrong. Especially not you. I'm sorry for yelling,"

"Me too," Ginny said, and the two girls hugged in the deserted corridor.

"But you have to trust me," Lily said, looking searchingly into Ginny's eyes, "I know who these people are. Don't take me for an idiot. I know who did this. Do you trust me?"

"S-sure, and I am not saying you're an idiot, it's just that sometimes, people make mistakes because they can't adequately judge the people they love – "

"Oh, forget it," Lily snapped. "I'll see you later."

"If you're going to the Slytherins' dorm," Ginny said, hurrying up after her, her heart beating in her neck, "I can't let you go there alone. They'll kill you. You're a Muggleborn."

"And you're a notorious blood traitor, so I'm not much better off with or without you, don't you think?"

"Well, two wands are better than one," Ginny said, and the two girls grinned at each other as they began to make their way toward the lion's den.

* * *

"I have never been here before," Lily said, and there was a break in her voice as they descended to the dungeons, their footsteps reverberating in the staircase eerily.

Perhaps from the cold that only increased the closer they got to the Slytherin Common Room, perhaps from going into the headquarters of hundreds of students who hated her kind, a shiver ran down her spine, and her posture became considerably hunched. Then the redhead inhaled deeply, swallowed the fear down her throat, straightened up and the haughty mask was back on.

Ginny was on edge, too. She knew a fight would ensue, and she also knew the two of them had very low chances of emerging as the victors. She did not welcome inevitable humiliation, and she, as a rule, disliked confrontation. But now was the time to be the hero. Now was the time to recreate herself, and before she could do that, she had to break down the barriers she had previously erected around her psyche.

Bravery was not a personality trait, but a choice one made each and every time one was faced with a hard decision. Habits could become personality traits, in time, however, she knew. But as a general rule, a man could be afraid to broach a touchy subject with his partner but stand up to his bullies. Human personality in itself was full of contradictions and inconsistencies.

"I'm not leaving you, whatever goes down," Ginny said.

Lily's eyes widened in surprise at Ginny's promise, as though no one had made even just a similar one before, then her face softened with gratitude. "Oh, really, you don't have to do that," she said, smiling. "I've got this on my own."

A wave of irritation washed over Ginny. Normally, she would quell it in an attempt to appear likeable and sweet – but where had that gotten her? "Next time, you can just say thank you and shut up,"

Ginny had pegged Lily as the type to retort; she had seen evidence of it so far. But now, she just laughed, her eyes shining with appreciation. "Thank you," she said. "Asshole,"

And they both laughed as they neared the entrance of the dungeons, their path to their potential doom lit eerily by green fire.

Ten minutes later, they were still standing in front of a rather hostile portrait who insisted their mere presence in the lieu was offensive to Salazar's memory.

"Come on, Lily, let's just go," Ginny sighed, losing patience. "Who knows, maybe Snape isn't even here,"

"Well, if it isn't the Mudblood and the blood traitor!" came a voice, accompanied by the loud thud of decisive, confident footsteps.

The two girls' heads snapped in the direction of the voice. It was Lucius Malfoy and his usual posse; Crowe, Avery, and Snape. Ginny's face expression promptly soured. Snape's, however, softened upon seeing Lily; he seemed so engrossed by the sight of her that he didn't even notice Ginny's presence. When the latter spoke up angrily, it was with a wide-eyed look that Snape acknowledged it.

"Sod off, Malfoy, it isn't you we want to talk to," Ginny snapped.

"What are you even doing here? Your kind isn't welcome here," Malfoy said, pointedly ignoring Ginny.

"We want to talk to Snape," Lily declared.

Malfoy laughed derisively and, as if on cue, the other three boys began to laugh as well in an exaggerated fashion. Ginny rolled her eyes, blood rising to her cheeks. She hated confrontation, but she was going to have to get used to it if she was intent on asserting herself. The world, she knew, was full of Lucius Malfoys.

"I don't think Snape wants to talk to you at all," Malfoy said. "He's past his Mudblood-apologist ways. Aren't you, Severus?"

Snape ignored him. "We can talk, Evans," he said, swallowing hard.

"Oh, Merlin, and in front of Alastair McNair's portrait _en plus_!" Malfoy cried with dramatic flair, and Crowe and Avery began to chortle. "It is a tragic day for purebloods everywhere today, indeed. Come on, guys, let's go," he said, beckoning to Crowe and Avery, before disappearing behind the portrait.

Ginny made a mental note of their password. It was _Toujours pur._ She didn't know if it would ever come in handy, but it seemed like the thing to remember.

"What is it that you want?" Snape asked, his tone unmistakably soft; much more so, judging by his expression, than he intended to let on.

Ginny, arms folded, advanced on him as Lily approached him.

There was a glint of fear of altercation in Snape's eyes. "I'll talk to you, but not to Weasley," he said. "I don't have any business with her."

"You have plenty of business with me," Ginny snapped, faces flushing with anger. "If it was you who drugged Lily's champagne bottle yesterday."

Snape's eyes widened to twice their size; he snapped his hand from Ginny to Lily in utter confusion and shock. "Is – is that what you think happened?"

"Who else knows, Sev?" The name seemed to burst out of her like a force of habit.

She blushed after the nickname slipped out, causing Snape to smile like a giddy schoolboy. Ginny felt nauseous.

"Plenty of other people know, Lily," Snape said gently. "It wasn't me. I swear. I can promise you that."

"Like we believe you," Ginny said, drawing her wand. Years of anger repressed for sake of propriety and likeability burst forth. This was who she really was deep down inside – full of gung ho and fire. She felt more like herself in the middle of a fight than she ever had in all her peaceful life before.

Snape drew his wand too, making her burst out in goosebumps in a mixture of apprehension and excitement. _Finally, I can unleash what has always been brewing inside of me, what has been sixteen years coming._

"You have always had an unhealthy obsession with Lily. Cut the crap. You wanted to drug her, but you got me and Potter and Black instead."

"Hey, guys, stop!" Lily said, drawing her own wand and stepping between the two of them as a preventive measure.

Her words of warning were drowned out by Snape's loud laughter.

"You and Potter and Black? So it's true, the rumor that's been going around the grounds. You had yourself a little menage a trois last night. I imagine what a show that must have been. Must have been a dream come true for shy little wallflower Ginny Weasley – virginal no more, I assume?"

Face turning scarlet, she cast the Bat Bogey Hex on him, sending him angrily trying to slap the newly formed bats away from his face. Before he could return the favor, Ginny made the most of his slowed down reaction time and yelled, " _Expelliarmus_!"

"What – Ginny! This is not what we came for," Lily said, aghast, rushing to Snape's side. "How do you get rid of these things?"

"Lily," Ginny said. "Remember who you're trying to protect. You told me this guy drugged you –"

"I'm not sure! I thought!"

"Well, you seemed pretty darn sure a moment ago!" Ginny snapped.

"I don't know, maybe I was wrong – he doesn't seem like he did it – he didn't react the way I expected him to!"

"Did you even look at him or were you just too damn wrapped up in how cute his hooked nose looked?" Her voice was dripping with venom. It was deeper and more hostile than she had ever heard herself; even more so than in the nastiest of fights with her siblings.

"Ginny, come on! You just don't want to admit it might have been James and Sirius –"

"You told me they couldn't have been!"

"I wasn't even at that party, you idiots!" Snape snapped, still trying to shoo the vicious bats away. The sight brought a smile to Ginny's face. "I was here, with Malfoy and the others, you can ask them, hell, you can even ask Dumbledore to search my stuff!"

"Get this hex off of him, so we can talk normally!" Lily demanded.

"No," Ginny said, folding her arms testily, "I prefer seeing him this way. It's an improvement to his look, I'd say. The bats distract from the greasy hair,"

Lily almost burst out laughing despite herself, which Ginny acknowledged with a pinch of pride.

"Come on!" Lily said then, much more serious this time.

Ginny sighed heavily and took the hex off of him. The bats disappeared, much to Snape's relief. The minute the danger was gone, he became even more hostile than before, "I'm going to make you pay, you filthy little –"

" _Accio!_ " Ginny cried, but Lily caught the wand mid-air, shooting her a dirty look.

"I'm going to talk to him," Lily said, "Your presence clearly makes him hostile."

Ginny was beyond the point of caring. "Fine, whatever, suit yourself," she snapped. "But you're not going to get anything out of him; you're too naïve. I see right through you, Snape," she said before Lily tossed her back her wand and she turned on her heels with a flourish and marched away.

She heard Lily apologize to Snape on her behalf, which she decided to royally ignore, having tired of the two of them. On the way up from the dungeons, she ran into two Slytherins who sneered at her. By the time she returned to the Gryffindor Tower, she was in a foul mood and waiting to unleash it on someone.

The truth was, she didn't believe Snape. Perhaps she was biased, but then again, so was Lily, apparently. One would have thought that after the little fiasco of him publicly insulting her the worst way possible when she had come to his aid would have set her straight, but apparently not! She was fuming by the time she reached the Common Room..

"Hey, Weasley," Wood yelled to her. "We need to talk."

Ginny's heart skipped a beat. Anger gave way to fear. Would Wood ban her from the team for taking drugs? She swallowed, hard, and the rest of her fellow Gryffindors watched as the two of them retreated into a faraway corner of the Common Room with much morbid interest.

"I talked to the boys already," Wood said. "They're still in the Hospital Wing, and Pomfrey wants you to return for one last check-up."

Ginny nodded, eyes widened, anxious.

"I don't know if you administered the drugs yourself or if someone gave them to you," Wood said. Ginny wanted to speak but Wood silenced her. "I don't care. I only care that it never happens again. You're going to ruin Quidditch if you continue this way."

"Ruin Quidditch? I was drugged, I could have died, I could have –" then she stopped short, her heart beating so hard she thought it might burst out of her ribcage, when the truth of last night finally registered:

 _I could have lost my virginity to Black and Potter simultaneously last night. I'd have been known as the slut of the entire school!_ She hazarded a look at the Gryffindors sitting by the fireplace, looking at them.

 _God,_ she thought, turning away from them, _the rumor has already made the rounds. The truth won't matter; they have made up their minds already, it's written on their faces in black and white… I suppose it's uplifting for some to believe falsehoods to be able to rub their proverbial shoes into someone to make their own lives seem better by comparison. As if they didn't dream of losing it in any threesome – the boys at least – and the girls didn't fancy at least either Potter or Black!_

"All I know is that your parents are very disappointed in you," Wood said, snapping her out of her reverie. "And if I know anything about Molly Weasley, you're sure to receive a Howler tomorrow. If I were you, I wouldn't show up for breakfast at all tomorrow,"

"You've got to believe me, Wood, I'd never do such a thing, I –"

"You did smoke shit willingly, though," Wood said, considerably softer, now that the attention of the rest of the Common Room began to wane. "I don't think you took any other drugs yourself, Ginny, but the rest of the school aren't going to be so easy to convince. Not to mention, smoking shit is still terrible for your Quidditch prospects,"

"I know, I know– It was a one-time thing, Wood, you have to believe me - But what's more worrying is the other things... and we have no idea who did it,"

"You never know, Ginny, it could have been anyone," Wood said somberly, as though contrite that he was unable to help.

"So – so you don't suspect the boys?"

"Why would I suspect them? Look, if they'd rationed the drugs, they wouldn't be in the Hospital Wing now," Wood said. "Several professors have already called for their expulsion. Lupin, notably, they said was a total strain on the school who caused more problems than any student was worth, honor roll or not,"

"Lupin? But what could he – wasn't he made prefect last year anyway?"

"Yes, but there are things you don't know, Ginny, and they wouldn't do that to Lupin," Wood said. "Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Ginny blinked hard. "Well… OK, whatever, I believe you, but – wait, are people talking about expelling me too?"

"No, not you, this was your first strike," Wood said. "You know how notoriously lax Dumbledore is, given that if you're expelled from Hogwarts that's the end of your life as a wizard or witch in the magical community. It's a social death sentence. But just don't do it again, alright?"

Ginny nodded. "Wood," she said when he was about to stand up and leave, "Thank you," and she hugged him, despite herself. Wood seemed embarrassed and after giving her an awkward clap on the back, left.

 _I wish Fred and George were here_ , she thought suddenly, feeling on the verge of tears. _I wish…_

* * *

Later on, it was Hermione and Luna who found Ginny crying in her room, curtains drawn, sobbing silently, head buried under a pillow to make absolutely sure no one overheard. When the two of them came to see her, Ginny couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out crying.

"Oh, Ginny," Hermione and Luna cooed.

Ginny broke apart, sniffling, wiping the sides of her eyes. "I'm sorry, Luna – I didn't even ask what happened to you,"

"It's OK," Luna said. "I'm fine now. We both are. It was a lot of fun, wasn't it? I just sat in the corner the entire night, or so I was told, staring at the ceiling and talking about the stars. I felt like Cassandra. You know, from the ancient myths?"

"Uh-huh," Ginny said dumbly. "I have no idea,"

And all three of them burst out laughing, Hermione and Ginny concealing their mild shock that Luna would react to being involuntarily drugged this way. But then again, it wasn't all that surprising.

"So," Luna asked after a moment's pause, "Did you do it? Did you actually –?"

"No, Luna, of course not! That's a terrible thing to suggest," Hermione reprimanded. "Right, Ginny?"

Ginny went red. "Well, we kind of started, but –"

"I came at the right moment," Hermione interjected. "I hope you don't plan on hanging out with them anymore, Gin, these people are _toxic._ One night with Lily Evans and her usual posse and you've begun to act completely unlike yourself."

"Come on," Ginny said. "It wasn't _Lily_ who drugged me. Come on, now, guys!"

"She's in love with Potter and Black," Luna surmised with irritating accuracy. "Just look at her eyes. Look at that little blush she's got going on. She's in love!"

"With two people at once? That's impossible," Hermione snapped. "Don't be foolish, Luna. Right, Ginny? That's just rubbish,"

Ginny went entirely red.

"Oh!" Luna cried. "Look at her! She's totally in love, I nailed it!"

"Oh my," Hermione said, her eyes scintillating with an emotion Ginny couldn't read, "If you're in love with Black and Potter, I wish you the best of luck in the world. You're going to need it." In a flurry of emotion, Hermione retrieved _Pride and Prejudice_ from her backpack and began to read it, pointedly ignoring the other two.

"I guess I should study," Ginny said, her thoughts veering to books at the sight of Hermione. "You wanna come with me to the library?"

"No," Luna said with a serene smile. "I have already done my homework. You can copy it, if you want,"

Hermione cleared her throat angrily.

"No, that's fine," Ginny said. "I don't want to stay a dumbass for the rest of my life. See you guys around."

* * *

"Ginny!" Potter said suddenly. "We've been looking for you everywhere."

"NO SHOUTING IN THE LIBRARY!" the librarian screeched shrilly.

"Sorry!" Potter said, raising a hand defensively, shooting an amicable smile at the old lady who remained stubbornly unimpressed.

Ginny looked up at Black and Potter.

"I'm studying," she said lamely.

"Yeah, so are we," Potter said, throwing his backpack on the table and withdrawing some books.

Black took out rolls of parchment and his ink bottle and quill from his. Ginny was beginning to feel uneasy, light-headed, like she might throw up or faint at any moment.

Her life had become so complicated since her entanglement with them. She wanted to put an end to it – no amount of popularity was worth this strain on her life.

"And…" Black said when it became obvious that Ginny wasn't going to protest their presence. "We wanted to talk about what happened. We are really sorry."

"Sorry? Did you drug me?" Ginny demanded testily.

"No," Potter said. "But it was clearly Snape. Who else would it have been? Evans tried to tell me I was wrong, because Snivelly seemed so innocent, but I doubt she could have really judged that, seeing that his greasy emo hair covers half his face,"

Ginny giggled despite herself. Her own encounter with him didn't make her want to defend him in his absence.

"Yes," Black said, feeling encouraged, "He was probably trying to get us back for what happened the last time with Moony –"

"Lupin?" Ginny asked, puzzled.

"Yes, Remus, we just have these silly little nicknames for each other –"

Ginny found them cool, to be honest. She wished she would have the same level of complicity with her own friends. From the outside, the four boys truly seemed like an ideal group of friends, and she wanted to belong to them, even if she didn't want to admit this to herself. She was drawn to them and what they represented like a magnet.

But she was disconcerted by their sudden friendliness, in light of what happened last night. Images of their steamy encounter continued replaying in her mind, like a broken record, and she couldn't imagine them not thinking the same. Unless, of course, they had been so severely affected by the drugs that they did not remember anymore.

"Whatever, guys, it's fine," Ginny said. "I'm not mad or anything. For the record, I don't think you did it," she said, but as she pronounced the words, she suddenly wasn't so sure, "But I… in light of what happened yesterday, maybe we should just…"

"No, I'm sorry," Black said. "About that. I shouldn't have – I was just drugged, apparently – I wasn't myself – I don't want to come between the two of you. I don't even remember what happened, James here had to fill me in,"

"Come between us?" Ginny asked. "I don't –"

 _He doesn't remember our kiss,_ she thought, and the knowledge felt like a weight pulling down her chest. She suddenly felt like she was drowning, but she did her best not to show it.

"Yes, us," Potter said, clearly oblivious to her state of mind; Sirius's smile, however, was knowing and she quickly turned away, feeling irritated despite herself… "I hope we can still be… together,"

Ginny looked at Black. She was suddenly submerged by the same emotion that had traversed her upon his touch the previous night. She swallowed hard. Was it regret she was seeing in those enticing grey eyes? But surely she was just flattering herself… a girl like her… Black would never… Lily had said it herself, and she knew them better than anyone… the smile Black plastered on his face was the coup de grace; _no_ , Ginny, decided, he was surely not in love with her.

"Sure," Ginny said, smiling at Potter, "I'm fine with that. I don't care."

"So are we…?"

"Sure," Ginny said without much joy inside.

If she said no, her crazy days would be over. As bad as the past they had been, it had made her feel alive. She didn't want to give up that feeling just yet. Looking from Black to Potter, she couldn't help but think, however, _If you can't get the horse, the mule will do too._ Feeling horrible inside for using Potter, she justified it to herself by… she couldn't. There was no justification for mistreating others, not even when others had, according to rumor, mistreated each other.

Oh, but how she longed for his touch… she didn't think there was anything amorous behind it, but he desired James Potter more than she had ever wanted anyone or anything. She needed him to piment her life as much as she needed air to survive.

* * *

The following morning as Ginny was walking on her way to class, suddenly Lily ambushed her, appearing out of nowhere and pulling her under an alcove.

"What the hell?" Lily demanded in a frenzied whisper. "You're dating James? The news had already made the rounds. Why the hell are you staying with him? Didn't what I tell you get through to you?"

Ginny grew angry, wriggling her hand free from her group. "It did, actually, and it makes me think you're jealous and need to get a life, you fucking psycho," she snapped, massaging her arm.

"Sorry," Lily said lamely, and for what it was worth, Ginny judged that she truly seemed contrite, as though she herself wasn't used to acting so bizzarely.

"You didn't stand up for me to Snape, so excuse me if I have major doubts about your good will towards me," Ginny said on a reprimanding tone.

"Never mind about me! What about Sirius? I thought you wanted him? I overheard you guys at breakfast after your freaking Howler went off, I really couldn't help it, Potter's thirst for attention has always got him yelling like a babboon, and – well, I anyway, never mind about that, I was just really looking for an excuse to stare at Remus. Whatever," she said, going entirely red and then suddenly changing the topic, "Did you not see how Sirius was looking at you? Even I'm surprised,"

"Lily, come off it," Ginny said. "We can be friends, but please, leave me out of this shit-stirring –"

"Well, if you don't believe me," Lily said.

She began to rummage in her backpack for something. Ginny felt more exhausted by talking to Lily than the ordeal she had gone through the previous night, almost.

"Here. I – never mind how I got this,"

Ginny read the bit of parchment Lily handed her and said, "Lily. Where did you get this?" gravelly.

"I – alright, you know what, I'll tell you. When I thought James was cheating on me, I sneaked into their dorm and rummaged around in their stuff and found this among his Potions notes and –"

"Honestly, Lily," Ginny said, aghast. "You need help. This is not normal."

"I didn't ask for your opinion, OK? You haven't been in any relationship – "

"Blah, blah," Ginny said flippantly. "Anyway, for all I know you could have forged this. You're just desperate to not see James happy. You're fucking crazy, you know that, right?"

Ginny was beginning to feel sick to the stomach; she had honestly given Lily the benefit of the doubt, and it hurt like hell to be faced with the truth that Little Miss Perfect was just using her to achieve her ends.

"I might be," Lily said. "But you're only dating James because you think Sirius is beyond your reach. What kind of person does that make you?"

"Still not a clinical case like you," Ginny said. "Freud would have a field day with you."

"Whatever, just keep it, OK?" Lily said. "You can compare it with his notes or you know what? I'm sure if you came onto him, he'd accept it. You know, James and Sirius and the boys, they're not the perfect friends everyone thinks they are,"

Ginny rolled her eyes.

"You know how boys don't take friendship that seriously," Lily pursued, "Friendship, to men, is forgiving everything the other does to them to not seem like little emotional bitches –"

"Lily, stop," Ginny said, fatigued, though she secretly agreed with her (in any case, it was what her father had always told her), "Just admit you don't want James to be happy."

"I'll stop when he gives Remus back to me," Lily said. "If you can convince him of that, I'll stop trying to help you by landing you the guy you want, and you can go on miserable in that sad farce of a thing you call a relationship," she said.

"Thanks so much," Ginny said drily. "And to say I thought you were cool once." Without another word, she turned on her heels and vacated the scene.

As she left, the words on the piece of parchment Lily had given her kept replaying in her head. _I'd kill my own mother for a chance with a girl like Weasley,_ in what she recognized to be Black's penmanship from all the time professors had made him write on the blackboard.

 _I'd kill my own mother for a chance with a girl like Weasley._

She ruminated over the possible implications of that one sentence alone before forcing herself to read the rest of the notes the parchment contained.

Potter wrote: _Well, that's not saying much, is it? You'd sell her soul for a Twinkie._

Black: _True, so who should I sacrifice?_

Potter: _Minnie._

Black: _Nooo, Minnie!? That's just cruel, man. Alright, whatever, I'd sacrifice even Minnie for a girl like Weasley. Minnie's a bit old for me anyway. Wouldn't want her to get arrested for our steamy, forbidden romance._

Potter: _Lol_

The rest of it was just simple banter between high school students. She crumpled the paper and tried to calm her irrationally beating heart and suppress the tears threatening to well up in her eyes.

* * *

Author's Note: Alright, so this was a super long chapter, and I hope you guys enjoyed it!

Obviously, I took some liberties with the interpretation of the characters, but because there's no "official" version, I think my representation of them is just as valid as any other.

Obviously, their personalities have yet to fully unfold, so hopefully you'll see that they are as closely resembling canon as possible (imo) given the few amount of hints and facts we have to go by.

Also, my characterization of them depends largely on how I interpreted the few things we have to go on regarding who they actually were during their Hogwarts years, so that's subjective as well.

Not to mention, AU I think inextricably entails OOC to a certain extent, soo... well, I just hoped you like what I did with the characters here and what is going on in general in this fic.

Also, if anybody is able to guess who drugged them, I'll give them a virtual cookie, or a million dollars - whichever, because it's just virtual anyway.

Tah tah, have a great day/night depending on your timeozone!


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